Yowza! *waves*

Yo all;

Long time lurker, first time account-maker, and (apparently) super long intro writer. Oops

I'm a cisgender female who has fairly recently come to the conclusion that, though I'm romantically inclined and would love to have a partner(s), I'm pretty much somewhere in the range of asexual/demisexual (I've only ever been sexually interested in one person, so I know it's possible, but that sexual interest didn't develop until after I had known him for over 7 months as a intimate platonic friend...and after like 4 months of romantic interest). Pretty much means that I very much would like a romanic relationship (cuddling, intimate conversations, time spent, etc), but by and large have almost no interest in pursuing anything sexual...even kissing is kinda odd to me. Pretty sure I would be interested (based on recent experience falling for above mentioned friend) in sex and physical intimacy if there was a strong enough emotional base (and well read/rather curious in that area, though not enough curious to overcome the general disinterest lol), but otherwise just kinda don't see the point lol. Think Sherlock in season one of the BBC series...pretty much me (though emphatic, not sociopathic lol).

I came out to family as bisexual about 5 years ago (didn't go awesome, didn't go terrible, my parents and friends mostly ignore it). I thought that was accurate at the time as I knew "straight" didn't fit well, and as I really don't tend to look at men and women differently. I've had a few romantic crushes on both men and women, though it tends to skew more toward men numerically. I also appreciate the aesthetic qualities of both men and women equally, and frequently have people get super confused around me because they will assume I'm straight, but catch me flirting/checking out/just being friendly with women (generally the last...I'm awful at recognizing the difference between flirting and general curiosity/interest in a new person). Most people just assume I'm straight, if kinda boyish and maybe with lesbian tendencies (or a few assume outright lesbian too), but generally I get treated like something completely non-sexual, like a big sister, a small child, or a houseplant. Eh, whateves...I'm terrible at this romance stuff :/

For me, at least, basing attraction on someone's physical body has always seemed...odd I guess, like I can intellectually grasp the concept, but don't really *get it*. I'm interested in the mind and the person inside, and only once that interest is deep enough does interest in their body come into play for me. And I'm not saying that to be romantic or some sh*t haha. The idea of being physically intimate with someone I haven't known for a while just...idk, like my mind and heart just shrug and go "umm, why? No thanks" and go back to watching Netflix. I actually get very uncomfortable physically with any intimate touching (or even touching in general) from anyone from any sex/gender if I don't know them. If I do know them well, however, I am a very tactile person by nature and I can be really physically affectionate (*hug*) :eusa_danc

Basically, given that whole "it's the mind/personality!" attraction track my sexuality seems to be running on, I don't see the point in differentiating between people based on physical characteristics. I've always kinda figured if I fall for a dude I fall for a dude, if I fall for a chick I fall for a chick, and if I fall for someone otherwise defined then I fall for someone other-wisely defined. *shrug* people are people, I guess. So....pansexual? Maybe? Never been really keen on labels, as convenient as they can be...

On that line, I think the male-romantic-skew in terms of my romantic crushes is mostly because the personality type I find appealing tends to present more in men (frankly bi/gay/metro men, as my luck would have it... So generally not interested in me romantically/sexually ). With women I have less luck with reciprocated feelings, believe it or not. I just want an equal--someone just as happy mixing gender roles/expression, just as happy to be one whole equal, not two separately defined parts. But women seem to toss me into the "male" role, while dudes get annoyed at my lack of classic female-ness personality-wise (I often dress very feminine/have a number of stereotypically female interests, but apparently act like a dude, or so I have been told. No, I don't get it either). And both groups get frustrated/annoyed at the not interested in sex/flirting confuses me side of things. *sigh* I kinda tend to feel, when it comes to sex and romance and intimacy, that I have walked into the twilight zone, where nothing anyone else does makes sense to me, but apparently I don't make sense to everyone else.

.As I said, I'm awful at dating/romance on a whole bunch of levels... I kinda just don't bother even trying much anymore, as it's super confusing for me. I don't like trying to meet people at bars/clubs (loud, confusing, to much stranger touchy), flirting confuses me, and I tend to approach romance from an anachronistic dude's perspective (for example, I learned this year that most men find a girl bringing them roses to be weird, not sweet *sigh*)

Tdlr: "wait....I don't get it, what?" Is basically my romance/sex life/sexuality :bang:

Anyway, after that long rambling intro (lol sry...I'm kinda chatty) into my sexual/romantic preferences (and dating history, apparently), I'll finish by saying I am a grad student who loves action movies, crime tv shows, cats, making things by hand, puzzle games, going on adventures (generally by foot), and curling up in a big leather chair with a nice pot of tea/cup of coffee/hot coco and a book. One day I want to visit Svalbard, own a motorcycle, and live in a treehouse. Also the dancing banana smilie is absurdly, hilariously awesome, and deserves all the love (!)(!)(!)

Hi all!:smilewave

PS: would you believe I wrote this on a smartphone? Owwww my thumbs...