Hi all!! It's my first time on a forum site and I'm glad I've found a site that can hopefully give me some help with my sexuality and coming out. Little background on me I'm 22 from South Wales been struggling with my sexuality for the last couple of years always known since I was about 10 I wasn't the same as my other friends when it come to what I was attracted too. Oh while I remember sorry for any bad spelling. Had my first gay experience at 7 years old with a boy couple of years older did really know what I was doing at that time though I was practicing for when I got a girl friend that sounds so stupid now! Was always able to suppress any feeling for a good few years then I found gay porn but that doesn't work anymore I don't hate the though of being gay just the though of labelling my self with something that's hard to change once you've got it. I have these fears that I'm not actually gay just love gay porn been watching porn for along time and fear that I'm addicted to it I have about 2 gay sexual experiences a year with normally 'straight guys' have the same amount with girls but I'm never able to cum when I'm with a girl. I find it hard to meet guys I live in a small village where everyone knows everyone's business and I hate it don't know where to start to explore me sexuality further. Have only been in one relation ship with a girl and relation ships just scream run to me don't know if that's because I've never met some one I've been attracted to ! Not sure if this is the right place to post this Hopefully someone will respond Cheers D
Dan - Welcome to the forum. I've got a few thoughts on your situation. If you know you're attracted to other guys, there's a voice deep in your subconscious telling you that a hookup with a nominally "straight" guy or with a woman won't really do it for you, at least not long-term. That's why those hookups and porn experiences aren't totally satisfying, and your instincts tell you to run from the situation. I looked up Cardiff. Is it really that small a town? It's the largest city in Wales, and 9th largest in the UK. Population is 346,000 with a metro area of 861,000. Perhaps you live in a suburb or small town nearby. But at any rate, an area with nearly a million people has to have some gay things going on. Who do you fantasize about when you're not watching porn? If you think about guys, you're likely gay. Also, the lack of orgasm with women suggests that either they're doing it wrong, or you're not into it (because you'd rather be with a guy). If so, I would recommend you get out of that nosy small town environment and go somewhere where there are other gay men. But you may not have to travel that far. In an area with over 850,000 people, there has to be some sort of gay community. I'd suggest you check out what is happening nearby, give yourself permission to have more experiences with men, and then it should be pretty clear if you are questioning, straight, bi, or gay.
Hi there and welcome to EC.. I think this is the perfect place for you.. I hope you are able to take a look around, post and contribute and find yourself in a better place then you are right now.
Hello Dan Your definitely in the right place! Welcome aboard. There's loads of good advice on here, just make sure to post in the right forum or you may have to wait a while for a response.
Welcome to Empty Closets Dan91. I can't tell you that you are gay (none of us can do that), but based on what you've told us there are enough question marks to say that you are not straight. If you are ready to rule that out it narrows it down and that's got be a bit of progress towards understanding who you are, don't you think? You tell us that you watch gay porn all of the time and struggle to cum when you are with the opposite sex, so can I ask you directly if you really feel attracted to women? When you're having sex with women do you feel any real connection or does it feel like you are going through the motions and maybe wishing it was a guy instead? The porn you choose to watch doesn't make you gay, but it can help to confirm things. Could it be that you are watching gay porn in the absence of a regular/meaningful relationship with a guy? Sometimes the only way to really understand our feelings is to 'take the plunge' and give ourselves permission to meet more people, broaden our network of friends and develop some relationships, rather than having the odd session here and there with a straight guy. That doesn't mean setting out with the intention of using or hurting people - be honest with them about the questions you're having. I'm assuming Cardiff is your nearest big city. I've never been to Cardiff myself, but it's a big city with an LGBT community, so maybe take some baby steps to gain confidence. Is there a networking group for the Cardiff community maybe? Keep talking to us. There are various boards that may be of interest on the support area of the forum if you want to read more. Also take a look at the resources page. Nice to have you with us.
Hi all thanks for making me feel welcome!! :icon_bigg Cardiff is my closest city there's not much else around me I live up in the hills community of a couple hundred people and 2 pubs. my biggest fear of going to a gay gathering (not sure what else to call it) is that I will see someone I know and have this immense fear of everyone finding out before me if that makes any sense. its great to finally talk to someone about it !! don't know why it feels so good but it does. I've been looking online to try and find groups and things but not really sure what I'm looking for. There's part of me feeling like I'm just being stupid and just to get on with it other people do, so why cant I get past this. I would say I'm pretty confident in all other aspects of my life but this is just jumping in to the unknown. Cheers Dan
Hi Dan! I only admitted that I'm probably gay not even 2 weeks ago. My home is in Dorset, but Dad wasn't happy with the news, so booted me out, and I'm now back living in Cardiff. (Graduated from uni there this summer). I notice that as well as being nearby geographically, we're also only a year apart in age, and obviously questioning things at a similar time. So, just wanted to say that if you feel like a chat, feel free to message me! I'm only just coming to terms with everything myself too!
Hi ILetItGo thanks for commenting on my post! It took me ages to figure out what to write and have no idea what to right now Sorry to hear that things didn't go well with telling your dad. Haven't told anyone in my family that I'm gay or think I am! wouldn't know where to start. told my best friend and he was super cool about it which I kind of expected. I have no gay friends and have no idea where to meet them as I think I said in my post have this fear that they will know someone I know and tell them before I'm ready. Feel free to message me if you want to chat! I'm trying to make it a habit to log on to here everyday but its proving a challenge so just drop me a message its cool to chat with someone who's going through the same thing Dan did try to send a private message but you have to be a full member or something
Dan91 - you do need to be a full member to send private messages (this is the only way EC members can talk privately and share any identifiable/contact info). To private message you need to apply for full membership - see FAQ's for details of when/how to do this. Hope this helps
