Hey everyone! First of all I'm glad that I finally decided to sign up here. I'm 17 and a senior in highschool, known I was queer (pretty much lesbian) since a young age, not until high school until I really figured it out though. I've had my first real girlfriend for about 4 months now and I've been so happy about it. I've liked her for about 2 years so actually having her was like a dream come true. Quite a few friends of mine already know that I like girls, so I've sort of been telling them a lot of stuff about the progression of everything between me and her (starting from 2 years ago until now). I didn't realize how sensitive my girlfriend was about me telling people about us, and I pretty much lied for awhile saying that I had never told anyone about us. I have incredible guilt about pretty much everything, so a week ago I told her that I told other people about us. At first she was super super mad and I thought she never would want to talk to me again, but then she apologized for saying some things. We were kind of back to normal for a few days, but then I realized that maybe this whole secret relationship really isn't good for me. I've been really secretive my whole life about my sexuality for the most part and I'm ready to come out of the closet to my school already, but my girlfriend won't want any part of it. It's really okay with me because she is allowed to have her own journey discovering who she is. Today I told her that I just wanted to be friends for awhile so we can both figure out what we want because it would be good for both of us. She seemed okay with it but I can't help to think about how upset she is and I can't stand knowing that I had broken someone's heart numerous times now. Sometimes I feel like I'm ruining her life. The worst part is, there were some people who I didn't tell her about who know stuff about us, because I couldn't bear naming more people because she was so hurt already. I just don't know how to deal with all this guilt. From lying and breaking her heart, it's just so much for me to handle. I really do love her and respect her but I just think that we are at different points in our lives and should figure out shit out before we leave for college. So, this is the situation that I'm in and if any of you have had a similar debacle, please give me some advice on to not feel so guilty all the time! It's making me super anxious and I feel like a monster. Thank you all so much!
Welcome to EC. ^^ Geez, that bad... I don't know what advice to give you, but I hope you two can work things out.
Hullo and welcome. As for your situation, is it possible to talk to her? Just be very honest on how you feel. Apologize if you have to, even if you already did. Sometimes, that's all that is needed to feel better. You aren't a monster. Don't worry. What you did was for the better of both of you. Perhaps in the future you two will get back together, but you said yourself that you couldn't go on like this. Everything will be OK eventually. Just let it sizzle down first. (*hug*)
Hi there Hun and welcome. I'm sorry, it sounds like a really hard and difficult situation for you both.. I think just take your time and perhaps just give her some space to process what has happened.. I think people sometimes just need some time and space to think everything through, and obviously she is gonna be feeling in pain and hurt as well.. Sometimes it is best to leave well enough alone, talking and re-explaining doesn't always help as it brings the pain back to the forefront when they are trying to hold on and move forward. Maybe in time, you might both be in a better place and could reevaluate things and try to start again as friends and go from there.. Just let yourself grieve as well, let yourself take the time to grieve and cry and then hold your head up high and move on.. You made your decision, just be brave enough and strong enough to keep your head up and move forward and not backwards now, and to answer your question.. No you are not a monster.. You are human.
Welcome! You are both climbing the same mountain, but you are ahead of her. If you always keep looking behind, you'll never make any progress yourself. That said, just be there for her with whatever support she needs. It might be she has a different family situation that makes things seem worse.
The funny thing is, she actually has a much better family situation than I do. She lives with her mom and her mom knew about us and was super supportive the whole time. She's really worried about her friends knowing because they're not the nicest/most accepting kids in the school. :icon_sad:
I guess you have some thinking to do . Most of a lot of this gay/ not gay and all these,other monikers I don't get at all. I don't even know anyone who is like some of the stuff I've read in here so,it's educational I guess . I know that I am in a situation that has me without grounding. Coming out ? Meh, not rly the issue. But I am like teetering on the edge of a precipice with another guy and that is fkn scary , for both of us. Now that I let you know that ....really, you felt you could talk to others abt someone else ? I d k man , I would srsly "reflect" is the correct word here cuz that seems just way out of bounds. Then you want to move on and discover your own paths separately? Seems to me you've made someone else's footprints for them . The guilt thing , sry man , selfish too. You messed up and need to learn and maybe try and see if there's anything you can do to repair what you've done to her, like support her or I d e f k.
Well, I didn't exactly say anything about her in detail to anyone else. I just told my friends that I officially had a girlfriend, and that was before I knew that she was really sensitive about it. I know it was wrong regardless but I wasn't thinking about anyone else at the time but myself, which was very selfish. Our relationship was amazing but then we came to grips with reality eventually. We are both at very different points of discovering who we are. We're still close friends and we talk frequently and I will never stop supporting her.
