So....hi?

I've been reading this forum for a while now and thought I should take the time to say hello. I've known I was bisexual since I was in highschool (that's a whole story in itself), but I've never really been accepted as such by anyone but my husband. Even then, I only recently told him just how much I am still interested/wanting to be intimate with a girl. Most of the people who have learned I'm bisexual have had responses that included trying to force me to "come out as a lesbian" to telling me I was just confused and going through a phase. I even once had someone I had thought of as a good friend tell me that bisexuals don't exist and that I should just stop "trying to cause drama". I hope that by coming to EC I can find friends who understand me, or at the very least don't try to erase me.

So again.. Hi.

 

The horrible thing is, I feel like I contribute to that kind of treatment by passing for hetero. It's been really stressful recently actually, and I was thinking of getting/making a bisexual heart patch for my bag. I also only recently admitted to myself (while talking to husband) that I was in a pretty serious relationship with a girl when I was 15-17. We never did anything sexual, so I didn't even acknowledge it. Do you think that makes me a terrible person?

 

Hi Ashe, nice to meet you too! He does understand, mostly. I think. He knew that I was attracted to women when we met 11 years ago (yikes I'm getting old), but it was only a couple of months ago that we started talking about it past the general " I find this famous person attractive, I used to think about her when..." Kind of stuff. Now we talk about it a lot more, and we've really told each other all of our secret stuff. A problem I'm sort of having though, is that he said "who knows what will happen in the next ten years, maybe we'll figure out a way for you to be with a girl" I'm paraphrasing. The thing is, I thought he was totally serious and I got really excited (and felt uncontrollably guilty at the same time, because I love him so much) but now I'm not so sure that he meant it and I can not stop thinking about it. All of the time. We are having sex way more frequently as a result though, so that's a good thing.

---------- Post added 27th Sep 2014 at 04:47 PM ----------

And, I don't want to fall into the stereotype that a bisexual person can't be totally fulfilled in a monogamous, opposite gender relationship. I never thought I would feel like this.

 

I just don't know if he actually is or not. He seemed completely into the idea, but then I started telling him that it would feel like I was cheating on him and he told me that when he talks to me about my fantasies he is still the one who is getting me excited. So maybe he didn't mean it. What should I do? I've already tried to talk to him about it a few times, but now I just think it will hurt him.

---------- Post added 27th Sep 2014 at 04:55 PM ----------

Ah! You ninja replied there

 

I'm pretty sure he would not be okay with me being with a woman by myself. We've sort of discussed stuff like that a little bit, and it's not that he'd need to be involved with her at all, but he would want to be either still doing things to/with me while I did things to her, or watching me having things done to me.

 

He's told me his fantasies- recently, and I'm actually really into them. And it's not that I think he'd get mad per se, just that I think he would feel betrayed if I went off on my own. We spend almost all of our time together, and we're rather inseparable, so I think it would hurt him if I asked. And I agree, it would be impossible to find someone interested in that kind of thing. Also, and don't laugh, but girls make me nervous. like, every time there is an attractive girl talking to me I make zero sense.

 

I don't know, maybe. Thanks for the advice though. I'll think about it. I'll probably try to let it go for a while until I can figure out if that's really what I want. I'm a little worried about all of the ramifications (especially since I tend to get really attached to people and I wouldn't want to complicate things).

I have an entirely different, and probably stupid question though, about EC and message boards in general. I never posted on one before, so I'm not sure how to join another conversation. Say for example, I see something I want to chime in on in the media, or chit chat, or whatever section, do I just post? Or is that rude? Man, do I feel like a total idiot about all of this.

 

Thank you so much.

 

Thanks! I've always loved Shakespeare and she's one of the absolute best characters.