Hi there everybody :smilewave My name is Lia (from Life Imitates Art), and I'm pansexual. I found out on early 2014, although I had always known I was "different" - I liked men as much or more than women. But I was afraid of it, so I denied it. Thanksfully I have accepted it now, and I've told my closest friends than I'm pansexual (although they don't really understand it, so I tell them that means I'm bisexual), and somehow now the whole town knows (boy, it's such a town full of empty fake people), but my family. If you don't know what pansexuality is, it means (at least to me) that you believe in LOVE, and you don't think that gender should condicionate your love to someone. I fall in love with people's personalities besides their physical appearence, but if I really like someone I'm not going to say "I really like him, but I'm not going to like him because I'm straight." Or "I'm not gonna date her because I'm gay." You could say I'm a troubled kid (I'm 16). My father is alcoholic, but he's alright now. He however is part of many traumatic memories of mine, which apparently lead to BPD (borderline personality disorder). That means I get attached to people too easy - I go way too fast, and I always end up being hurt. I'm not really going to get into BPD, but it usually also implies drug abuse, self injury, suicidal behavior, impulsive behavior, idealization and splitting (black or white thinking, aka either really loving or really hating someone)... I suffer of all of that. My mother knows about my self harm, marijuana use and binge drinking - but I'm supposed to have had quit all of those (I just quit self harm). Lately, she's been finding out more and more horrible stuff about me, which led into treating me like shit, which led into me feeling much worse, which led into me trying to find someone, which led into me falling in love with someone, which is now leading to me being hurt... I think I should further explain that: I met a boy from Barcelona (I live an hour away from Barcelona) on Instagram, we started talking, we met once, we kept talking, we met again, we kept talking... I really really love him, but of course that's happened since the first day I've known him. Apparently normal people take much longer to fall in love, and apparently I don't fullfull him because yesterday he texted me "I'm afraid that because of reason A or B, I'm going to like someone else and you're gonna be hurt, and I'd really hate myself for that." I wanted to introduce him to my mother, but oh... She thinks I'm dating my best friend (although I've told her several times that I'm not dating her). I really don't know how I should tell him about my sexuality, and I feel like shit for having to lie to my parents. When I was younger, my father always told me "Do you have a girlfriend yet? Or a boyfriend. If you have a boyfriend it's okay." Although I was (or thought I was) straight at that moment. My mother has never mentioned a thing about it. I really hope I can start a journey to coming out here on EC. I think I'm going to like it here! Safe hugs, Lia
Hi and Welcome to EC, It's lovely to meet you and I hope you enjoy yourself here and find this site supportive and friendly.