Day One as denial slips away

I only realised this week, my true sexuality. I'm 52 with a broken barely functional straight relationship, no surprise I suppose. I have 2 wonderful children. I am a recovering alcoholic, user, gambler etc..... I'm in my 3rd year of sobriety and work it hard. Since getting sober, what my various addictions masked is coming to the fore as layer and layer of denial slip away. I have been working with a counsellor for the last 3 years. It is truly unbelievable how powerful denial is, I have discovered a long history of sexual abuse as a child. Starting with my mother and whoever she happened to be with. Physical and emotional abuse at home. Sexual abuse in school by those men in long black dresses. As I work through all this, what seems crazy at times, I have found sometimes with the worst of abuse memories, comes along some truly beautiful and often painful truths. This is certainly the case today. For today is the day I told my counsellor having only realised this week, what lay behind my most recent veil of denial. A wonderful relationship in my early teens with a boy at school. I find it hard to cope with the fact that I had simply blotted it out of my memory. It has brought me great joy and warmth to realise and remember that I was loved and held and I felt so safe in his arms. Nothing bad would happen in that moment and if it did, he would protect me as best he could. The memories of a sexual relationship that go far beyond the physical. Still the impact is huge and somewhat earth shattering for me. Having been through similar stuff regarding my addictions helps. I also realise that I must not be alone with this. This site is a Godsend, to be able to share whats going on this most important day. And to be able to do so anonymously and safely. Thank you. Ro X

 

Hi Paul6089, Thanks

 

Hi Candace