Hi

I am have only been on here a few times, and it has been a while, but I want to make a new introduction. It will probably end up being long and it is okay if nobody responds to it; I just don't have anyone else to tell this to, so may the unloading and coming out begin.

I've heard it said that other people know that you are gay, bi, etc, before you do. Like, before you are even interested in sex. That is the case with me. Now I know why my girlfriends would usually get a strange look on their face while I was talking to them, usually when I was looking them in the eyes, and then our friendship would dissolve soon after. Never understood why about that, and there are more examples. Yes, I was born a bisexual. It comes naturally to me, it makes perfect sense to be bisexual to me. Yes! I smothered it because I was born in the 70's to a strict Catholic family, who I know would literally disown me, and in a part of the country that would get me "raped straight" or killed if anyone knew, really. It found expression with boyfriends and husbands though: surprisingly enough, it seems that most men don't have a problem with a threesome. The women were never anything but a one time thing to me and the man (maybe two, or three in one case) but I enjoyed it, in a way I dismissed and did not accept for what it was.

Anyway, I had a horrible falling out over a year ago with my last boyfriend, which put me in the emergency room. I said I would take a break for a while. And a "while" became over a year, and I found I didn't miss men at all. At first I thought that I had a problem with men, but I don't: my experience shows me that most men are not like that. I have no fear or hatred towards them. But this long amount of time that I have spent out of the company of men, me being one of the chicks who always had to be in a relationship...it has made me realize I not only don't miss them, but the gay side of me is finally staring to come out from behind the rock I hid it under.

I only wish I was younger, I would be more confident! But a lot of people come out when they are older, I heard, partially due to the atmosphere they grew up in and how antagonistic it was to the idea of being anything but straight. I want to be with a woman without a man there, a want to be with a woman as another woman, no objectifying. Although I am not looking for a long serious relationship, I am excited! I am going to put myself out there! How many things about ourselves do we all smother and hide because we are afraid of what people will think or do? Not me anymore, I'm happy as hell about this!

(!)

Is being a bi who has chosen women not without drama, like there is with men? Hell no. Nobody needs to tell me that. But still, I feel a big part of me finally getting to breathe the fresh air. I'm letting me be me, without worrying about what the rest of the world thinks. It's freakin' awesome; I highly recommend it.

Thank you to anyone who read this. I'm sitting here smiling from ear to ear.