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Baby steps

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by orangecrushed, Oct 24, 2014.

  1. orangecrushed

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    Hi. I'm so glad I found this site, and I discovered it at just the right time. I'm Black, age
    66 (can pass for 45...not bragging). I guess I'm bi since all (except one, which I'll get into later) have been with men. I've been attracted to women ever since I can remember, but I also liked boys while growing up and throughout my 20's. Somewhere in my late 30's, I knew that I could no longer deny that my preference was women, but I didn't know how to go about meeting any. I did once try placing and ad in the dating section of a weekly alternative newspaper, but did not meet any women that attracted me.

    For the next 20+ years I just resolved to be alone because I just figured that was the way it had to be. I was attracted to a lot of women during that time, but of course, they were straight, so I had to conceal my feelings. Then, early in 2013, at the age of 63, I met a young (35 years old) gay woman through Facebook. The page where I met her was not one geared towards Lesbians, but there sure seemed to be a lot of them there. I had begun to think that maybe there weren't that many gay women. Anyway, long story short, after many conversations with this young lady, she confessed that she had fallen in love with me, in spite of my age. I had also developed feelings for her, but had never expressed them because of the age difference. I had become like her mentor, so I don't know if her feelings were transference or what, but in the end, she convinced me that we should pursue a relationship, and I couldn't fight my feelings, and agreed.

    The kicker is that she lives in the Netherlands, and I live in Illinois. We communicated every day, either through on-line chats of Face-Time phone calls. We were insanely in love, even though we never had met face-to-face. This past spring, she invited me to the Netherlands to spend her spring break (she is a teacher) with her and also to celebrate her birthday which would occur during that time. So, at the end of April and the first part of May, I was able to spend two weeks with her and had my first sexual experience with another woman...me, at age 65 and she turned 36 while I was there. It was the greatest two weeks of my life and we were extraordinarily compatible in every way. We both cried on the day I left to return to the States.

    Just recently, though, I know she seemed to be having less and less enthusiasm when we talked, and I suspect that she was starting to become overly friendly with another person on Facebook. Anyway, this afternoon she indicated that she wants me to let her go as a lover, but that she considers me as her best friend and wants us to continue a relationship just as friends. We both cried, and I agreed that I would let her go and would accept her as just a friend. So, now here I sit, wondering where to go from here.

    No one knows that my relationship interest is solely in women. My ex always had a problem with me not being honest with who I am. I would gladly have come out with her as my partner, but she was reluctant because her parents might object because they are slightly younger than I am. While I was there visiting her in the Netherlands, her parents thought I was just there as a friend and didn't know my true age.

    I hope to communicate with other people here who are "in the closet" as well as those who are out and to learn from their experiences. Right now I just need to concentrate on dealing with the loss of the love of my life, while at the same time getting on with my life and accepting myself for who and what I am.

    So, that's my story, and I'm so happy to have found this safe haven where I can feel free to express myself.
     
  2. Paul6089

    Paul6089 Guest

    Hello and welcome to EC!
     
  3. one and only

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    Hello, welcome to EC:smilewave
     
  4. happydavid

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  5. Hexagon

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    Welcome to EC
     
  6. OnTheHighway

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    Welcome to EC! Long distance is always a challange. Hope EC helps you on your journey.
     
  7. lukeluvznicki13

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    Greetings & Welcome to Empty Closets :thumbsup: :smilewave :welcome:
     
  8. orangecrushed

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    Thank you, and yes, distance was a big factor.

    ---------- Post added 25th Oct 2014 at 12:35 PM ----------

    Thank you.

    ---------- Post added 25th Oct 2014 at 12:36 PM ----------

    Rhank you!

    ---------- Post added 25th Oct 2014 at 12:36 PM ----------

    Thank you!
     
  9. Candace

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    Hello and welcome to EC! :smilewave :welcome: It's a pleasure to meet you :slight_smile:
     
  10. Blossom85

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    Hi there and Welcome to EC,

    I hope you enjoy your time here, it is really a wonderful place. There is a LGBT later in life section if you want to browse, you might find it useful.
     
  11. DarkestDream

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    Hi orangecrushed, so nice to meet you! :smilewave :welcome:
     
  12. GreenMan

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