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So much so fast...

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by pandaga, Sep 29, 2008.

  1. pandaga

    Regular Member

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    I'm scared. It has all happened so fast and yet it took at least 14 years to get here. Turns out neither life has made me happy... I got married to my best friend 4 months ago. I thought maybe once I was married I would really feel straight. I didn't. So I left him 6 weeks ago. I have always thought once I came out the depression would go away. That this secret was the one thing that was holding me back. I know its gonna take time, but why don't I feel more relief? I am in love with this amazing girl but I can't seem to get myself together. I have spent so long trying to convince myself that the perfect hetero life with lots of money and cute kids was what I wanted. I think I started to believe it. All of a sudden, I have this awesome girlfriend but no other idea where my life is headed. I almost want to run back to the safety and dissatisfaction of that life. At least its what I know. Please tell me it gets easier...I finally feel like I've told the truth to the people who matter and I'm more scared than I was before. I feel like I've hurt my family who put all this money and faith into my marriage. I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to feel okay.
     
  2. xxmikeyyxx

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    Normally as life goes on it gets generally harder, and comming out generally makes it more difficult . but there are always things that make life bareable. and if u found love then u are one step further to being happy. mabye u should focus more in the present than whats up ahead.
     
  3. s5m1

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    Hi there. I too was married and accepted I was gay later in life. I know it is hard now. It was for me too. But hang in there. It will get better. You are not alone in this. We have all gone through similar feelings when we first came out. I found this site really helpful. Please read some of the prior posts here and I think you will see you will get through this. I am now happier than I have ever been in my life. You will be too.
     
  4. Jim1454

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    Words of wisdom about life and growing older from... oh wait... someone that is 16. :eusa_doh:

    First off - welcome to EC. You'll definitely be able to get more comfortable with yourself by sharing your thoughts and feelings and experiences here - with people that understand.

    It DOES get easier as time goes on. I think you've recognized that you need time to grow into this new 'skin' that you're finally letting other people see for the first time. I was married for 9 years, and while life wasn't horrible, I was often unhappy. So sticking around and having kids wouldn't have necessarily made it any better. For me - it made it worse.

    Yes, there's a fear of how others are thinking of us. But those fears are almost always worse than the reality. Let your parents know how much you love them, how much you appreciate their support, how sorry you are for creating turmoil / embarassment in their lives, how uncomfortable and fearful you are. I'm sure they only want to support you and make sure you are happy and healthy.

    Good luck, and don't hesitate to send me (as a moderator :smilewave) a note directly if you wanted to chat.
     
  5. Kimi

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    Konnichiwa and Welcome to empty closets!!

    I'm sorry but I'm so useless when it comes to helping others but there are MANY people who is excellent at helping others on this site:slight_smile:
    I hope you will figure out something(*hug*)(*hug*)

    And hope to see you around:smilewave:smilewave
     
  6. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Hi there and welcome to EC! Glad you joined! :slight_smile:

    As Jim mentioned over time things will get easier. The important thing is that you try to move forward at a pace that you are feeling comfortable with. It will take time to get used to the new you. Take it one day at a time. Some things might not be as clear right now, but they will become clearer over time. You already took a few major step in being honest with yourself and with those who are important in your life.

    Often when we are scared about what others including our family and friends will think about us, we retreat to the familiar and we start believing in things so hard that they become real and touchable. Now that you have started to change your life and are truly yourself, you will face some difficult and wonderful days. Over time though, you will become a stronger person because you have overcome the difficult days/times. But as you go through your journey you will feel happier with time, because you are being true to yourself and you will not have the feeling of hiding. As for having kids, you can still have kids at some point in your life. Don't give up on that dream.

    Let your family know that you love them and that you appreciate and are grateful for their support. I think it is important that you keep talking to your parents and rest of the family about your life so that they can come to a better understanding of what you are going through and that it has not been easy to get to the point where you are at.

    Hope this helps a little bit.