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New person here with a problem

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by Doctorlysomethn, Oct 30, 2014.

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  1. Doctorlysomethn

    Doctorlysomethn
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    Hi
    This is my first post ever on this site and I was just hoping to have some help with my problems regarding coming out to people

    It's not that I'm scared, I've told a few of my friends but...

    I just don't know how to tell everyone I'm bi and I was wondering if you guys could please help

    I have a boyfriend who I love very much but I haven't been able to tell a lot of people about him because I just don't know how they'll take it and I don't want to lose my friends :/

    So if you could please help me, that'd be awesome <3

    Thanks in advance for everything :slight_smile:
     
    #1 Doctorlysomethn, Oct 30, 2014
  2. Spartan 117

    Spartan 117
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    Ok, first off welcome! :slight_smile: I think you'll find plenty of good advice around here, the people are really friendly and much wiser than me!

    Pretty much everyone here has been in the same situation as you. There's a big section for Coming Out Advice, you might want to browse through and see what you think.

    It's great that you have a boyfriend, he sounds lovely. Are there any circumstances that make you think you might lose your friends if you told them? If they're true friends, they should just want you to be happy. :slight_smile: It sounds like your boyfriend makes you happy! Perhaps they wouldn't respond as negatively as you think.
     
    #2 Spartan 117, Oct 30, 2014
  3. Doctorlysomethn

    Doctorlysomethn
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    Thanks for the kind welcome Spartan 117 :slight_smile:

    Well I know a few of my friends are religious and kinda homophobic so I don't know if they'll take it well or would really be there for me
    One of my closest friends is bi as well and they're fine with the religious friends but I don't have that same kind of relationship with them as they do so idk... :/

    Thanks for the congratulatory praise though :slight_smile: Actually does mean a lot to me tbh
    And he does make me happy. Makes me the happiest I've ever been and I love him so much.

    Back to my friends though, I have told a few of my closest friends and they're all goods with my coming out, but I am still so nervous about telling my other friends. I'm not that good at talking about myself, let alone coming out to people I've spent years having a great time with, just to have their opinion of me change drastically and walk out of my life forever :frowning2:

    But thanks for your help and support and I'll keep you updated as it goes along :slight_smile:
     
    #3 Doctorlysomethn, Oct 30, 2014
  4. Spartan 117

    Spartan 117
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    Haha, I don't want to clog up your welcome thread with my replies because I'm sure there'll be plenty of other people that want to say hello! I think it's a positive sign that your bi friend has been accepted by them, and it makes me think that they'll accept you too. It would be a bit of a strange thing for them to suddenly do a U-Turn when it comes to you just because they don't know you as well. :slight_smile:

    If it helps, I've been in the exact same situation as you in the past. I had a lot of deeply religious friends and I even lost some of them when I came out, but that doesn't mean the same thing will happen to you. Looking back, even though it was painful to have people I'd known all my life walk away from me, I made new friends - ones that loved and accepted me no matter what, so in a way it was a positive thing.

    I know how difficult and scary it can be, though. Everyone here knows :icon_wink so you're not alone!
     
    #4 Spartan 117, Oct 30, 2014
  5. Doctorlysomethn

    Doctorlysomethn
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    Thank you so much though Spartan 117 :slight_smile:

    You have actually made my coming out to my friends a lot less of a horrible experience to have and more something I should do if I am to be true to my friends, my boyfriend and myself :slight_smile: And sure, if I tell them and a few walk away, then is it really so bad? I'll always gain and lose friends, that's a certain, but this way I can speed up that process, see who my real, TRUE friends are and keep them close to me until I travel overseas in April to be with my boyfriend <3
    And even then, I know that I will never lose my friends and their support, that no matter where in the world I go, I will always have them behind me, supporting me every step of the way, wishing me a great today and an amazing tomorrow :grin:

    So thank you so much and I'll keep you updated on how my friends take my news :slight_smile:
     
    #5 Doctorlysomethn, Oct 30, 2014
  6. Candace

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    Hello and welcome to EC! :smilewave :welcome: It's a pleasure to meet you :slight_smile:


    I'm from the States and dang you are really really far away :lol: :grin:
     
    #6 Candace, Oct 30, 2014
  7. Doctorlysomethn

    Doctorlysomethn
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    Thank you for the warm welcome Candace :slight_smile:
    It's a pleasure to meet you too :slight_smile:

    I'm from NZ and yeah, I know but it doesn't mean we can't be friends :slight_smile:
     
    #7 Doctorlysomethn, Oct 30, 2014
  8. Candace

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    Thank you! ^_^. I really want to visit New Zealand soon :slight_smile:
     
    #8 Candace, Oct 30, 2014
  9. Doctorlysomethn

    Doctorlysomethn
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    You should Candace :slight_smile:

    It's a great place to visit, especially as it's almost Summer so the weather is so beautiful :slight_smile:
     
    #9 Doctorlysomethn, Oct 30, 2014
  10. Leonardo

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    Hey there! I can't be bothered to type your full name, so I'm just going to call you Doc :grin:

    Welcome to EC! I hope you have fun and find the advice you are looking for. It seems you already have! :grin: Happy posting!
    I know you are talking about your friends, but are you out to your family? What are their views on LGBT people?
    For both your family and friends, it might be best to test the waters. Maybe bring up LGBT topics like gay marriage etc and see what their views are. If you're feeling brave, you could maybe throw in "What if *insert name here* was gay/bisexual?" or even "What if I was gay/bisexual?"
    Good luck!
     
    #10 Leonardo, Oct 30, 2014
  11. Paul6089

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    Hi and welcome to EC!
     
    #11 Paul6089, Oct 30, 2014
  12. Doctorlysomethn

    Doctorlysomethn
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    That's fine 2BiSexy4U (wow... I should give you a nickname too)

    Thanks for the warm welcome :slight_smile: Yeah, it looks like I have found the advice I need but sometimes, some other people have advice that gets you the same end result, but done in a different way which is always nice to see :slight_smile:
    My family... I know my one cousin is a transgender and we all love her no differently now than we have ever done <3
    Apart from that, the only concern I have with telling my family is my mother and father :/ I know one of them is religious and isn't happy with homosexual or even bisexual viewpoints so it'll be hard to tell them but it's something that I'll have to do sooner rather than later from someone else :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    Thanks for the advice though, I'll be sure to try it out and I'll keep you updated on how it all turns out XD

    ---------- Post added 31st Oct 2014 at 05:56 AM ----------

    Hi Paul6089 and thanks for the warm welcome :slight_smile:
     
    #12 Doctorlysomethn, Oct 30, 2014
  13. greatwhale

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    Hey Doctorlysomethn, welcome to EC!

    With regard to your parents, this will be difficult, no doubt. It may be better to wait until you have moved out (if you haven't already) if you anticipate serious issues, otherwise, it will necessary to do it soon.

    Can you tell us if your BF is fully out?
     
    #13 greatwhale, Oct 30, 2014
  14. Doctorlysomethn

    Doctorlysomethn
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    Hi Greatwhale :slight_smile: Thanks for the warm welcome :slight_smile: I feel so... accepted and loved here XD

    I am currently flatting but I will be moving to Australia in April so you think I should tell them then when I finally join my boyfriend?

    And he is out to a few of his friends as well
     
    #14 Doctorlysomethn, Oct 30, 2014
  15. Hexagon

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    Welcome to EC
     
    #15 Hexagon, Oct 30, 2014
  16. Doctorlysomethn

    Doctorlysomethn
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    Hi Hexagon :slight_smile:

    Thanks for the welcome :slight_smile:
     
    #16 Doctorlysomethn, Oct 30, 2014
  17. Doctorlysomethn

    Doctorlysomethn
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    Thanks everyone for your help and support and I come bringing updated news on how it all went :slight_smile:

    My friends were all very accepting of my news, a few of them actually did the opposite of what I expected them to do and ended up clapping, saying "Omg yay! You two would so make the cutest couple" and my one closest girl friend even going as far as "I'm gonna be the best man at your wedding" <3

    Thank you all for your help and support and it really did mean a lot to me <3
    You guys are so awesome for helping me out like that :grin:
     
    #17 Doctorlysomethn, Oct 31, 2014
  18. happydavid

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    Hi
     
    #18 happydavid, Oct 31, 2014
  19. Blossom85

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    Hi there and welcome to EC,

    Wow, that is wonderful news to hear your friends are accepting of you, I think you should talk to your parents before you actually make the move. Do they know you are even planning to move to Australia at the moment?

    I hope you like being here and enjoy it and we are here with you every step of the way.
     
    #19 Blossom85, Oct 31, 2014
  20. Doctorlysomethn

    Doctorlysomethn
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    Hi Blossom85 (may I just say, LOVE your pic (I'm a huge Disney fan hahaha))

    My parents know I'm moving to Aus, but I haven't told them all the reasons why. They know all about him except for the fact that he's my boyfriend. They only know him as my friend, but I'm wanting to be able to tell them before I leave as I trust my parents, knowing that they'll still love me but it's hard as my dad isn't that big a fan of gays and bi's :/

    I'm pretty sure I will, and who knows? I might be able to meet you and make another new friend in Aus :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 1st Nov 2014 at 01:26 PM ----------

    Also, (So sorry I didn't do this)... Hi HappyDavid :slight_smile: Thanks for the welcome :slight_smile:
     
    #20 Doctorlysomethn, Oct 31, 2014
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