Hello Strangers

Oh goody, sharing time!

My name is CJ, I'm 25. I'm a Canuck, but I'm living in Miyagi, Japan right now. I was born are raised around Toronto, Ontario. I'm a middle-class white person. I was raised Christian and still believe in God (but basically nothing else about that religion). I'm an English teacher, I have a degree in English Literature and 2 certificates that apply to teaching. I want to go back to school and get a degree in Sociology and maybe continue on to get a Masters in Counselling as well.

Now on to the gay stuff.

When I became aware that there was supposed to be some difference between 'being a girl' and 'being a boy', aside from just parts, I got confused. The more I realized the difference's place in life, the more I struggled to figure out which box I was supposed to fit in. In high school I eventually gave up and told my friends I was bisexual, I didn't have words but I guess I liked the implications of "bi". In university I got involved with the LGBTQ, and I started crossdressing on occassion. I still didn't have a word, but I stopped saying I was bi and just said "not straight" instead. Then we learned about intersex in one of my sociology classes, and were introduced to Anne Fausto-Sterling's "The Five Sexes". It was a moment of relief I guess, if nature said there was more than girls and boys than I didn't have to pick one. About a year later I learned terms like gender non-binary and genderqueer. And thank god!

I told a couple of people, strangers at the time, but now one is my boyfriend and another is his best friend. It wasn't until I moved to Japan that I really started being open about it though. All my friends here know, I present as a 'wrong' gender in public when I feel like it, etc. What I've found is letting down that barrier has exposed more of myself to me. I'd never really experienced dysphoria before now, but some days I just really hate my chest or my voice. So almost 4 years after figuring out my 'label', now I get to really explore who I am outside of my head. Yay.

Which brings me here. I have opened Pandora's box, and this stuff isn't going back in. So, now I have to figure out what, how much, when, etc. to tell my family and friends back home.

So, thanks for reading. Thanks for being here. Thank you for any help or comfort you can give, and I hope I can do the same.

-CJ

 

Randomcloud, what's "ahlie" supposed to mean? What's the usage? I don't know if anyone uses it. :/ (I also haven't been to Toronto in 2 years, but my sister lives there). Also, how much are you loving ANTM since they let guys on? (I recognized your picture).