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New and in need of some advice, friends, and/or friendly advice.

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by Serendipity13, Nov 30, 2014.

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  1. Serendipity13

    Serendipity13
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    Hi people. My name is Ayla and I'm a 27 year old woman. I'm im the middle of a sexual orientation identity crisis and would love all the help and advise I can possibly get. I'm not a full fledged newbie when it comes to the LGBT community, in fact i've been a part of it for most of my life because of my great fortune in having 2 wonderful gay best friends, a gay coworker who is also close friend, and my oldest, closest girl friend has a fabulous drag queen for a cousin who we all support (who was also my first boyfriend, which is a funny story for all of us now.) I've been to prides, gay clubs, drag shows, and Key West. I've watched every episode of Queer as Folk and The L Word. But when it comes to admitting that I might have been living in a lie bubble surrounded by people i love, living the life I should have been living, but have been too afraid to embrace is terrifying. I've been reading many posts and blogs trying to figure out who I am and so many women out there have the same feelings and questions I do. I've had many relationships with men but they have always felt forced and hollow. I've never enjoyed sex, so much so I thought I might have been asexual at one point. I find men attractive, but i feel no sexual attraction to them at all. I find women very sexually attractive but in a crowd I've never subconsciously just said to myself "damn she's hot." But is it because I never let myself really be open to that way of thinking? I've never had that mind blowing sex that all my straight girl friends talk about. It's a chore. They all tell me its just because I haven't found the "right man" yet, but I don't think that's the case. But then again, what if it is and I come out and realize i was wrong. I've never even attempted a relationship with a woman, so how do I really know? But I've never had a good relationship with a man, so should that tell me something? How would I even go about meeting another lesbian. I'm well versed in gay man, but lesbian is a foreign language to me. I'm so confused...and I don't want to talk to my friends about this until I feel less weird inside and i have my thoughts in order. My straight ones wont understand and my gay guy friends probably can't really relate as much as other women who are going through this. So I thought maybe here I could talk to other people who feel what I feel. Help!?!? :bang: :tears: :redface:
     
    #1 Serendipity13, Nov 30, 2014
  2. Blossom85

    Blossom85
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    Hi there and welcome to EC,

    I think you just know deep down inside of yourself, it may take you a while to really feel comfortable and accept it and that is okay if it takes a while. I have never been in a relationship with a man or a woman and I know I am pansexual.. It is just what fits right with me, I feel comfortable enough to not question myself anymore, but it took a long time to find one that fit for me, over a year actually. I think not feeling comfortable to allow yourself to think of a woman being hot is something we are conditioned with. We are conditioned to think that it is not normal and so we decide to repress those feelings or not give into our deepest desires.

    I think this site will be a wonderful source of comfort and support for you. You sound much like a lot of us on the beginning of our own journeys and self discoveries, so don't feel shy about posting and sharing your own thoughts and feelings. In time you will figure it all out and realize you are the same person you have always been, just with a new insight into yourself.
     
    #2 Blossom85, Dec 1, 2014
  3. stuckincloset

    stuckincloset
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    i know what you feel girl. in the past few years i've been confused too. i've also been suspected by other people that im a lesbian just because never had a crush on guys ever since i was in grade school. i try not to think about it but it keeps on running in my head. i thought i was just part of being a teen to be confused but it wasn't. i'm still checking out some girls instead of guys when i reach my twenties. :grin:

    i'm not that so religious but praying helps me to think and clear my mind and little by little i start embracing myself and accept that i'm a lesbian.

    but i wasn't out yet to my parents coz i think i should prove them something that even though im lesbian nothing will change. :slight_smile: (but i still don't know how....) :grin:
     
    #3 stuckincloset, Dec 1, 2014
  4. lovely lesbian

    lovely lesbian
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    Hello!
     
    #4 lovely lesbian, Dec 1, 2014
  5. happydavid

    happydavid
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    Some people
    Hi
     
    #5 happydavid, Dec 1, 2014
  6. Serendipity13

    Serendipity13
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    Hi guys! Thanks so much for the welcome.
     
    #6 Serendipity13, Dec 2, 2014
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