Hi all, So, I've been checking in to EC religiously since June when I somewhat haphazardly stumbled across the site. At that time, my life had reached a critical point. I felt trapped; I was angry, scared, neurotic, and alone - despite being surrounded by a group of friends and family who are, in general, very loving and supporting. None of this, though, was particularly new to me. I had been here before in my pre-teens and again in my late teens. Throughout those times, I always had some sense deep in my heart what the real issue was ("Dude, you are soooo not straight!"), but my mind was either unwilling or unable to bend. Things weren't looking too different this time around. It was during one of those rare moments when my mind briefly puts down its defenses and my feelings swell to the surface that I pulled out my laptop, searched "I think I'm gay" (or something to that effect) in Google, and stumbled across EC. I immediately clicked with your stories - the similarities were actually a bit unnerving at first; at times I felt as though I was reading my own story, secrets and all. I kept dropping in, and, slowly, those deep, shapeless, and ineffable feelings I've experienced since I was young began to take form. Things were starting to make more sense. By the end of the summer, I had built up the necessary mental and emotional momentum to move forward with my life and that meant I had to start getting honest with the people around me. I spoke with my brother, mom, and best friend first. Things went extremely well, so I kept going. Within a few more weeks, I talked with the rest of my family on my mom's side, my other close friend, a co-worker, and a professor at my university. Scariest of all, I worked up the courage to open up to my dad - the man who, in one his more violent drunken episodes, grabbed me by the hair, threw me against the wall, and threatened to disown me if I ever grew up to be a "fucking faggot"; I was 10 at the time. (Minus some crazy offensive stuff he said, our conversation went as well as any other I've had with him; fast-forward to the present, I think he's 100% accepting - though still prone to saying ignorant crap as always.) While things aren't perfect now (I still have school, work, and other life stuff to fret about) and I am still, in so many ways, a work in progress, my life has gotten considerably better. And I owe much (probably all) of that to everyone here at EC. Anywho... I look forward to joining the community here. I hope to keep learning more about myself and, more importantly, give back some of what's been given to me over the past several months.
Welcome, and thanks very much for sharing your story. It is the experiences of people like you, who are able to read about the experiences of others, that makes EC the amazing place that it is... and now your story will be there to help someone else. I hope you'll stick around. This is a wonderful, supportive place and the more people share their experiences and discuss their concerns... the bigger, better, and stronger community it becomes.
