Hello :)

Hi, I'm Ally, i'm 15 and I am transgender male. I first joined the LGBT...... Community when I was 12, when I thought I was bisexual, and I came out to one friend at the time who showed full support. That was around the time that I got a headache, that I have been on medication for since. Seriously, a 3 year headache. Then puberty hit and I started hating the changes in my body. I missed having a flat chest. Also I was quite disappointed, as I thought for some reason that you got to choose which puberty would happen to you when you were a certain age. I always had preferred male friends, as I identified more with them and in primary school I was friends with all of the guys in my class. But in high school guys only talked to girls they wanted to have sex with, so I was ignored. The girl friends that I have are amazing, but sometimes they didn't get why I didn't talk more about clothes, which I didn't care about and hair, mine was a big ginger frizz ball, and make up, which I've never worn in my life. I started to realise around October/November 2013 how much I hated my body and wanted to change it, although I thought there was nothing i could do about it. Then i started doing some research and found out about trans* people. I instantly knew this was who I was, and when I learnt about testosterone I felt much more optimistic about the future. However, I also realised how uneducated people were about transgender people, and the LGBT.... Community in general. In school we sort of had lessons on this, but homosexuality was the main one that we focused on. We were told nothing about trans* people and that pan sexual people were attracted to inanimate objects. So I was hesitAnt to come out. In May 2014 I told my parents. My mothers first response was " are you sure you're not just a lesbian" but they seem supportive. This summer my cousin lived with us for a while, and she is a lesbian, so my mum decided to tell her. I was quite apprehensive about talking to my cousin, as she lives in South Africa usually so I don't know her well, but she was also very supportive and helped my feel more confident and a bit less dysphoric. October 2014 I was in Barcelona with school for a Spanish trip and I was staying in an all girls room, feeling quite awkward, and I decide to tell my two closest friends, one who I've known for 14 years and the other for 4 years. My oldest friend said she was cool with it and has not mentioned it since, and the other has shown a lot of support and has talked about it a lot. After that trip I told my sister because she was friends with the sister of my oldest friends and I wanted to be the one to tell her. She said it made sense, I'd always acted more like her brother. None of these people refer to me as he, but my dad says he doesn't want to start doing that and accidentally out me to someone I haven't told. I went to my GP to try and get a referral to the tavistock centre or somewhere similar the specialises in gender identity, but my GP said " it is not often I have to deal with your problem, but the alder hey mental health services will know what to do with you" which I felt was a bit offensive. I have a feeling that when I finally get an appointment they will be of no use and just refer me somewhere else and I'll haveto wait through another waiting list, but I'm trying to be optimistic, as I know I'm young and have plenty of time to transition. I'm just being impatient, and I know it's selfish, because in the UK we have nhs, and in other countries there are people who can't afford to transition. Also, when I discovered the true meaning of pansexual I felt that was me because i only thought I was bisexual before I knew of all the gender variants, and gender or physical appearance does not affect me when I feel attracted to people. So far I have never been in a relationship, but maybe, one day.
Sorry this is so long and a bit all over the place, but I find it hard to organise my thoughts sometimes. Thank you, Ally.:lol: