Hi everyone. I'm 39 years old, married to a man, and I have two very young children. About five months ago I figured out that I'm gay. It seems very very obvious to me now and it explains so much about my life, but I just didn't allow myself to see it for what it was until recently. In the five months since I figured out that I am gay I told my husband (I actually told him about two weeks after I figured it out), we have separated, and are in the process of getting divorced. Things are moving fast. Really really fast. The children spend five nights a week with me and two with him. Pretty much every day my husband tries to talk me into moving back in with him. He wants us to stay married. I regularly consider going back to him, mostly out of fear about how separation and divorce will affect our children--they are very young, neither are in school yet. But honestly, the thought of moving back in with him kind of feels like moving toward death--sort of a dramatic word, but that's the word that comes up when I seriously consider it. Uh, so there's my story. Sorry to just drop that so bluntly, but that seems to be my way around this issue.
Wow, good for you for having the courage to tell your husband! I, too, discovered my sexuality after I was married, but my kids are teenagers now. I'm sure if I told my husband, his pride would be so hurt, he'd leave immediately. Trying to keep it together for the kids! But, with your kids so young, and you knowing definitely what you want, I can't imagine going back into that situation. It's nobody's decision but your own, obviously. Good luck!
Hi There are quite a few of us on the site in a similar situation including me. Try looking in the LGBT in later life section.
Telling my husband didn't exactly feel like courage to me. It just felt necessary. I did big secrets for the first twenty years of my life or so--related to childhood abuse by a family member. Keeping that in was straight up poison for me and having the courage to start talking saved me--literally and figuratively. For a long long time I was totally convinced that telling (about the childhood stuff) would destroy both me and my life. and in some ways it did destroy life as I knew it. I lost most of my extended family as a result--but in return I got myself--which it turns out I needed way more than I needed "life as I knew it." The whole deal was heart wrenching and terrifying but I've absolutely never regretted telling. Aaaaand I could pretty quickly see that (for me) keeping my sexual orientation a secret from my husband would be a really similar kind of deal--I'm just not willing to do BIG secrets like that any more--it actually scares me--so out it came. And now I'm AGAIN riding a giant, uncontrolled, terrifying wave of fallout from telling. But at least it feels kind of familiar. :/ ---------- Post added 6th Jan 2015 at 10:59 PM ---------- Thank you! I will! ---------- Post added 6th Jan 2015 at 11:01 PM ---------- Thanks for the welcomes, everyone!
I have felt exactly the same. You cannot ignore what you feel and if it does not come out and tell him you feel like you would literally explode. I am riding the the roller coaster too. Welcome
