Hey I'm new here. BoyCalledBryan is a "Life of Brian" ref BTW

Hey. I'm originally from Minneapolis and moved to San Diego 6 months ago. I'm posting on this site because I'm desperate and think I might die from my drug habit this year. And I think that drug habit continues because I can't handle having to hide everything from everyone, and this being a staple of my personality. Because when people find out things about you they can form judgements. And usually they judge your intricacies as weakness. I don't have a single out gay or bi friend anymore. I don't have a girlfriend because she convinced me she was cool with my gay sexual and cross dressing habits, but then she just sold me out to all her friends to get attention. I am continually having problems with employment; not finding it, not keeping it, just generally getting lied to. Okay so I'm full of baggage and nobody wants to hear it. Oh God I'm so sorry: I will try not to drag you guys down. I swear to God I'm not a troll and I just hope you don't hate me. I'm just very afraid right now. I'm going to read posts only, and my thanks to mods/admins for not banning me (hopefully) for this gush fest of a hello post. I talk to tons of people on the internet. Just so you know I'm not a "new to the internet" high maintenance hard case. And I hope I find something here. I just want to find some gay and/or bi friends who, preferably like dressing up like girls, more than anything else, and ones who aren't full of crap. I'm as real as it gets. I hang with gangsters who train pitbulls who care less that I'm bi than people I've known for years. I'm in a bad place in life right now. Please don't ban me for the gush fest, because I want to introduce where I am at. And at least most of my other posts will be a clear response to another user's question, or will be myself addressing a specific issue. But this post is all over the place, and that is because I'm looking for a place to start. I think my downstairs neighbors saw me cross dressing and I have been lying motionless mostly for about 4 days now. I ate today. I am NOT suicidal. But I am very scared. My career might or might not pickup (IT field technician mostly.) But my drug habit is back in full swing. I am very scared. Please don't ban me. I won't post again in this same depressing manner. Please read my profile if you are interested. I will now edit the low resolution photo of myself that I have to snip a couple of my cousins out of so you don't think I'm ugly and ban me. I am not trolling. I am really just mentally at the end of it moreso than ever.