I don't know that I have anything important to write tonight. I had most of my outpouring in my first few postings...and the relief that I felt then has been carrying me along for the last two-three weeks. I've asked several of you to be my friends, but not much response. I would really like to be able to carry on a conversation with some of you...it's starting to feel lonely, but nothing will ever feel the way I felt before I found EC. Even coming out on EC has been a tremendous help to me. I've lived my life as a straight male and because of that I do have a very loving family, wife, children and grand children.....yeah I'm not young - 64 years old. All that didn't mean that there was another me hiding because I knew society wouldn't accept me. Because I hid all that time I didn't die of HIV/AIDS, but there was another me, the one who couldn't help that that he liked other men....he never had the chance to live and he did die. And then I found EC....and I was reborn! I would so very much like to talk to some of you out there, it would encourage me and maybe I could help encourage you to.
Hi Quebec, Not sure in which thread to post, but you'll get the message. 59 year old man here, married (not quite fully happily), two kids age 20 and 23. Wife and I have had mostly good marriage but rocky at times as she says I"m not sexually passionate. In and out of therapy for this and then last year, a new therapist who guided me to just letting myself really 'feel' myself and the things/sexual attractions around me that turn me on. Guess what… I fell for a man. And now I can't take my eyes off men and fantasizing. I really feel that this 'attraction' is just right for me. And now I sit and cry a lot as I feel I'm not sure I can put 'my personal fulfilment' ahead of 'my family's' by turning their lives upside down with my coming out. On the other hand, life is getting very short and I ask myself if I want to head toward the end of it as less than the authentic man I think I should be. EC has been a huge help in guiding me through that thinking. I don't post a lot, but I sure do read about others' experiences. I know it's early days for you here, but ever though about talking about this with a 'live' person?.. a therapist/counsellor? I've been slowly expanding my network of support and now have about 6 people who know my story and it is hugely helpful to just say it out loud and repeatedly. My path is not yet clear. My wife knows I am struggling with 'issues' one of which is a less than clear sense of sexuality. It is really hard on her. We have taken a brief 'hiatus' from the conversations just to 'breathe' over the last month or so. Regardless, I find so much solace in knowing there are quite a few men out there like me, who have struggled through this and have found varying paths. Take care.
