Hi everyone First of all, I was scared to sign up and considered not signing up. But some of the threads I read were very deep and meaningful. I had to show my absolute respect for some members here by signing up and saying hi. I have recently, for first time ever, told a counsellor that I fear not being straight. No one else knows a single thing. Now this shall be my first time ever to discuss it with someone else… and not just one person but a whole community. This was why I was scared to sign up. As I write this I am questioning to just delete and forget about it. I have never been in a relationship. I have lied about being in relationship in the past and often I keep myself busy with something so I can say don’t have time for relationships. As a result I have suffered from depression and developed mild OCD for the past 5 years. My head is ripping itself apart. One part of me is attracted to males the other part is saying no, it’s not normal. Your family will be disgraced. You will never have a family. It is wrong. I have tried so hard to suppress my ‘attraction’. I guess it has worked in some ways, but in order to suppress it, I have suffered a lot. To be honest I don’t know what to do from here. Any move I make forward, just goes backwards again.
First of all, I would like to welcome you into our community and say that we are honored to have you on here and I hope we'll be able to help you in any way, shape or form. You telling your counsellor that you might not be straight is the first step of many in accepting and embracing your sexuality, a road you are scared off, a road many of us are scared off. My advice is that you take baby steps. Set a small goal, accomplish it, set another small goal, accomplish that, and so on and so forth. Being with a male does not mean you won't have a family. There are many, many homosexual families living perfectly normal lives, having children, etc.
Hello and welcome Take part... ask questions... people like to help (&&&) First, its a good thing you came here. People here are really helpful and often can point in a helpful direction. Sometimes even writing about something helps. If you want to, you later might open another thread in one of the other sections, where more people are likely to read. (*hug*)
Hi, Two years ago I would've written exactly the same thing (I think I even did) and now I am taking it step by step, trust me dealing with it helps & this forum has been a great help to me. Just write it all out, you'll realise that your far from alone So welcome and all the best on the self discovery journey.
newby1991....welcome to EC! Wow, I was just the same as you when it came to finally making any kind of commitment. I would run like a scared rabbit if a "site" asked for any personal details and when EC asked for my email I just about stopped right there. I was so afraid of anyone finding out who I was ...but I took the step and my life has been so much better ever since! The confusion about who you're attracted to is not unusual. Our society as a rule simply accepts that we pair off male/female because reproduction is the biological imperative. But it seems obvious that the M/F pairing is just not how it works of some of us. We don't know why (and I not sure it matters) but that is the way it is. It's not easy to be a part of that minority, but some of us are and in reality we shouldn't be treated different just because we feel different...but it happens. Give yourself some time to settle down and figure out just where you fit. Don't forget how many wonderful friends you have here on EC, listen to their advice and the experiences that they have gone through.
Hi newby1991! I guess being scared is a natural reaction, especially with the stigma that goes with being attracted to the same gender. I knew of people who had homosexual tendencies that explored and ended up still being straight, and some who suppressed the feelings and eventually caused them great emotional suffering. I would advice to just go along with what you feel. You can see it as a 'what if?' idea. There is nothing wrong with being who you are, and you are not doing yourself any good by trying to be someone else you are not just because of fear. I know it is a scary world out there, but I am sure there are a lot of people here that are willing to listen to any of your woes. Like they said above, take it slow. Yet, don't over-analyse everything. Being gay and being INFJ, growing up was very hard as I thought I was crazy as no one seems to understand me. I was scared all along. Around 6 years ago, I joined a personality forum, and from there I learned that it might be a difficult ride for me, but it gets better as I grew wiser by the years and experiences. I am sure that you'll get over this phase of your life and you will come out a stronger person, straight or not. take care of yourself.
Thanks everyone! Seems to be a very close group here. Once again I respect everyone here. I both envy and look up to those who have already gone through this journey that I am facing.
Ah, that's where the name seemed familiar. Yours was the first thread I read, and you were so open, and the responses were so sincere. You inspired me to sign up and post mine. Thank you. (*hug*)
