I'm thinking about coming out. I'm 32, and have never been in a serious relationship. I've dated a few guys, but never got beyond a third date because on my part, there's never been any attraction. The only reason I've bothered dating guys in the first place is because its easy and acceptable. Every crush I've ever had has been on a woman, but I've never asked anyone out, have never been willing to take the risk. If a woman came up to me, and told me she wanted to go out, I'd be uncomfortable with it, but I'd be checking her out. When a guy does the same, I'm flattered, and sometimes go on a date with him if he seems nice, but I never look at them the way I'd look at a woman. I've always kept hoping that I'm wrong, and its really just most guys I'm not interested in. After all, you can't prove a negative, and it's not like I've ever been in a same-sex relationship either. Or maybe I'd meet a nice asexual guy, and we could be in an emotionally close relationship without worrying about the non-existent physical attraction. Or maybe the world would turn inside out, and I'd wake up one day to find that same-sex attraction was the norm, and heterosexuality the marginalized exception. It could happen :rolle: The biggest reason I want to stop keeping my interest a secret is loneliness: seeing your friends and family in relationships, getting married, and knowing you're not likely to have any of that if you stay in the closet. Before, when people my age were mostly in short term relationships, it didn't matter to me that I was alone. I kept hoping that I'd meet a guy I was actually interested in, because that would be so much easier than admitting I was different. But I am different. I'm so used to ignoring when I'm attracted to someone that it's really, really strange to admit it, even to myself. I don't even know how to start with meeting other gay women, much less get involved romantically. And just thinking about it is stressful: I've been learning to deal with shyness and social anxiety all my life, but it still makes new things hard, and is the reason it's taken me most of a decade to reach this point. So here I am, online, where it's easy to say what I need to say, and maybe have a small breakdown in private, because this is incredibly personal for me. Thanks for having this community. And now I need to think about next steps.
