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My Best Friend has me "questioning" his and mines sexuality

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by Tambourine, Feb 23, 2015.

  1. Tambourine

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    So this is kind of a long story, but basically my best friend "Drum" have been friends a little over 3 years. Im a sophomore in college and he started his freshman year. We met in high school and in gym class. It started with him teasing me about how I never completed a Pokemon game and that my childhood is basically invalid because of it. We teased each other a bit in the locker room and then he asked me to sit with him at lunch. So since that we spent a lot of time with each other in and outside of school and we became really close friends.

    Early Friendship: He told me all the time I was really cute(My confidence wasn't really that high) and tell me i'm sexy. I was sort of shy because I never really had any friends(overly strict parents, and religious reasons) And he was the first person ever to take interest in me as a person. So I have so much love for him already, in a respectful friendship kind of way. Anyways, he would always "joke flirt" with me all the time and touch me and hug me a lot. I remember a couple occasions where he tried to take my shirt off. And try to embarass which worked 90% of the time. I'll admit I'm very feminine and he's more masculine, he's into a lot of I guess "typical guy things" where I'm a little into anything that seems "cute" or "fun". He also treats me like a girl and talks to me as how he talks to a girl. Which doesn't bother me because I just feel thats how we are together. BTW Drum is 6'1" and I am 5'7" and he has a bigger frame, not fat, more on the muscular side, broad shoulders, and a handsome face. I'm more on the slender side, smaller frame, more on the muscular side as well, my shoulders are not all that broad, but its there, as for my face according to him, I'm "cute". He's white skinned, and I'm tan/whittish(in the winter). I just want to give a mental image to my story. Anyways, the beginning of our friendship was kind of like "lovey dovey new friend" kind of relationship.

    Mid Friendship: We are really close best friends, we can talk about anything. We argued a lot at this point in our friendship because we really care about each other. However, every time it comes to dating and thing like that. He would tell our guy friends but wont tell me things. I would always ask him how looking for a girl is going or something like that and he always says idk. He's very attractive and all theses girls want him, but he never goes for them, and when he goes on a date it seems to never workout and he seems upset. Like I know some of the girls he's gone with and they are all so smart and pretty and idk why he never gets into a relationship. Whenever I am interested in a girl he gets really nosey and asks me 20 questions. Anyways, skipping ahead a bit. He held an intervention for me between myself him and some of our other really close friends. And the 5 of us were sitting in the car and he starts with "Tambourine(not my real name obviously lol) I don't think you know this yet, but in a couple of years you're gonna be gay" I chuckled at the time because I knew thats what all my friends think because of my feminine nature, however I had no interest in any men at that time. I said " No haha I'm not" and the rest of my friends laughed except him. I was laying down on the car seat with him looking straight and my eyes, and whispered "Are you sure" and I said "Yes I'm sure, I'm sorry" I apologized because he looked disappointed in me and hurt by what I said. I don't remember another time where he looked so hurt and disappointed.

    Present Friendship: He still teases my, but now a little harsher and treats me more like a guy, treats me like a girl when we are alone. So here is where feelings start changing. My last semester I was stressed because of work and school. And the only free time I had were Thursday mornings after class. Him and I decided to dedicate that time to have breakfast and catch up and stuff. So I would do that every week and look forward to seeing him each time. Sometimes i made breakfast and brought it to him if he was still sleeping in his room as a friendly gesture. And literally made me happy when we say good morning to each other. Over time however I started to feel strange around him especially alone. Like i couldnt due prolonged eye contact anymore, or look at him shirtless. Fun tidbit, he's super confident about his body and is shirtless possibly 50% of the time. Soon my heart started skipping a beat every time he gave a warm hug or affectionate smile. For awhile I was confused and tried figure out why I'm feeling this way. And about a month ago I admitted to myself in a mirror out loud. "I have feelings for Drum" I cried for awhile alone because I've never had such intense feeling for anyone. Let alone the same sex. "I like the way he talks, the way he walks, his goofy smile, the way he looks at me, the way he says my name, the way he makes me feel..... I love him" is what I said to myself. So throughout this month i've been exploring our relationships intimacy by giving him kisses on the cheek when I say bye. Or giving him longer hugs which I'm sure he likes. So skipping a little ahead again. I slept over his house because we had a lot of friends come over and we got snowed in and I slept in the same bed as him never happened before. I ended up cuddling up against his arm and I placed my arm on his chest but i didn't know his hand was there. Also very important fact, he was shirtless, i was wearing a long sleeve pajama outfit. So we ended up holding hands and cuddling. I remember feeling really happy. I woke up in between the cuddling and ended up caressing his chest and holding him closer. He woke up at some point and he realized i was snuggled up to him but he didnt remove me at all, In fact he drew closer to my face, like it was kissing range. My heart started racing fast and I felt his as well. He was breathing softly but faster and i could feel it on my face. And a thought came to me "Kiss him, just do it" but I scolded myself because that would have been a form of betrayal and taking advantage of him so I didn't. However i noticed something strange. I looked at him and his eyes were closed but i could see eye movements. I could tell he was awake but why? We were breathing on each other for awhile and then i felt him place his fingers on my lips, while we we sleeping. and his heart started racing and breathing got fast again. I was way too tired to react. so I didn't say or do anything. He got up and I opened my eyes and his whole body was red and sweaty. He went down stairs and I fell back asleep. The next morning I had to go home quickly, so I went down stairs to leave and i saw him on the couch sleeping and I woke him to say bye and he smiled at me and gave me a tight hug and one of our friends called out "gaaaayyyy"

    Anyways I resolved to tell him how i feel this weekend. However I accepted the possibility he truly is 100% straight and he may not like me back at all. SO im mentally preparing for that. As for my sexuality, I can't really say Im straight anymore, but i cant say im gay either, so can I really say "Im bi for one guy?" So for now i decided to not put a label on it.

    However, I need advice for my situation so someone please help.:icon_sad:
     
  2. happydavid

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  3. Afterfshn

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    Wow such an intresting story! He was probably scared of the situation and didn't know how to reciprocate. I do think he is bi or curious but like i said he doesn't know how to reciprocate. Only time will tell, unless you got the balls to ask him. I'm really curious how this ends, update us please!

    I also think you should ask someone to move this thread to 'Family, friends and relationships' you will get way more useful tips and feedback!
     
  4. resu

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    Welcome! Drum and tambourine sounds like a good combination to me. :lol:

    ---------- Post added 24th Feb 2015 at 10:00 AM ----------

    I think it may be safer to say you're questioning your sexuality before you tell him you like him. That will help you judge if he is going to be upset or not; though, it seems like he is very comfortable with you already. Just remember, whatever you do, you can't make him do anything, whether like you back as more than just friends or not. It's hard to reveal your feelings, but it's also very freeing not to just be silent and bottle things up.
     
  5. Feline

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    Hello and welcome, Tambourine!

    I can feel your love for him in this story, it is a very sweet text, thank you for sharing it.

    I think honesty is the best language in deep matters of the heart. But I also know how hard it is to let someone know how much you care, you're exposing your heart and expectations to them.

    Now, I think the best is to let him know about your feelings. Things seem to point to a positive outcome. I mean, you've been friends for a while, and you two seem to share a deep friendship, even if you didn't end up together as lovers, I think the care you share for each other can transcend a romantic rejection (if there was one, but it seems to me that he is interested in you too). It seems he cares a lot about you and that you both have a high level of trust.

    Best of luck, and do keep us updated!
     
  6. Tambourine

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    Hey again, sorry for not responding for a month, I confessed to Drum and he let me down gently saying that he is straight. Which I am 100% ok with. For awhile he felt uncomfortable with me, but then he came and apologized to me for him being awkward. And I told him I love him no matter what, and I promised to love him always in the right way. Whether it be just best friends, or in romantic way in the future(should things change). He was ok with this and we've been talking a lot more lately. He's been a lot sweeter to me, and more affectionate. I love our deep talks and I can't help but smile when he gets into his conversations about the band he is in. We are also gonna go to his aunt and uncles lake house this summer, so I'm super excited. The honesty truly brought us closer and I have no regrets that my first love happened to be him. He's wonderful. Thanks for your support guys. I really appreciate the replies <3
     
  7. lovely lesbian

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  8. Foz

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    Wow that was a wonderful story, but I don't buy that he's straight for one second! A straight guy doesn't let another guy kiss him without without at least saying 'what the hell dude' and in the bed? Damn that was pretty intimate, I would say he's at least bi curious or questioning himself.
     
  9. Deadsouls

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    I have had a situation like this in sophomore year of high school, he is probably sexually confused right now, most likely questioning. However, kissing on the cheek is not necessary a sexual and romantic gesture. I do it to my friends to mess around with them. I actually have a crush right now that I don't bother doing that to because well him and I are ehh right now. However, this is the cutest thing I have heard recently but I really think you should question yourself and accept the future. Don't live in the past, been there, done that.
     
  10. Tambourine

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    We had dinner together the Sunday that passed and We stayed together until Monday 3:00am. We talked a lot and we wrestled a bit after some teasing. I feel like I'm getting mixed signals to some degree. But as of now I'm gonna treat him as if he is straight because that is what he said, so I'm going to respect that. I don't want to push on him, because I too like being friends.:thumbsup: