hello community. wow where to even start. these "im new let me type about myself" posts are always so hard. um, well i found this community through google. im going through the process of coming out and figured this is probably a good place to be. im 27, female, and lesbian. that still feels weird to say. saying "im gay" feels better i think. anyway, i was engaged to be married to a man who i was with for almost four years until last monday. i just couldn't do it anymore. so i called my mom who is beyond supportive of me, always has been, and told her i can't go through with the wedding because im gay. she told me she loves me, that this is going to be really hard, but i can get through this process so not to worry (she's seriously an awesome mom). she told me though that i needed to tell my fiance and get a therapist as soon as possible. so i did that. and my fiance is also awesome and told me that he is sad but i need to do what i need to do to be happy. i packed a few bags and am currently staying at my parents house. i've since told my mom, dad, brother, and two close male friends who were all nothing but caring and supportive (although surprised, no one had a clue). so here is strange part: i am not happy. im a freaking mess! im terrified, feel like im going to be sick, sad, exhausted, and a little angry. but im ALSO feeling amazing, free, excited, and relieved. wtf! im hoping the therapist im going to see next week can help me with that crazy mess of emotions. im also now feeling like i dont really fit in my body. like i don't know who i am or what i am or whatever. it's very strange. i feel the need to cut my hair, but into what? i feel like i need to burn all my clothes and shop for new ones. and i feel the need to work out, but i haven't been eating since ive seen so stressed out. so i need to get that mess back on track before i go putting my body under anymore stress. sigh... so why am i here. ugh, i just want to someone to tell me "it's okay, this is normal. you'll feel better soon." or sometime to tell me "oh shit, you're doing it wrong. go back to your fiance and suck it up". ive read so many stories of people who come out and how hard it is, ect, but i haven't read anything yet that really fits with how im feeling so far. my family is totally fine with who-ever i am. my few friends (who are all male) are also totally fine with who-ever i am. and im totally fine who who-ever i decide to be. im just feeling like there is now this huge disconnect between who i was, who i am, and being able to identify as such and feel ok with it. ugh, i just feel empty like my old straight lie of a self has died and there is nothing in there. im not sure how to get used to this new person that i am. i don't have any problem with being gay, i definitely believe that i am, but i don't feel like it fits yet? does this make sense? ive got some other apprehensions about socializing now, ive always been rejected by women or been with them & then have them freak out about being gay & leave, and not been able to talk about this to anyone (obviously, at the time i didn't want anyone to know). so then i decided "to be straight" and just deal with that. i dated a man for 4 years and we had sex once (we were both addicted to drugs so that's all we ever did together - that is no longer an issue for me i have been off of them for years) and then i dated another man, the one i left on monday, for about 4 years. ive never had a "successful" female relationship. so that's gonna be weird. exciting, but still weird. i don't have a single female friend either, but that^ stuff im willing to deal with a bit later. right now im just trying to get comfortable in my own skin again. anyway, hopefully i can talk to other people on here through this process and it might help. looking forward to meeting some of you!
Hey there! I read one of your other posts a few minutes ago, and I completely understand where you're coming from. You mentioned that you always thought you'd be comfortable with yourself FIRST, and then come out, and then everything would be fine. As awesome as that sounds, unfortunately life rarely ever goes to plan (as everybody knows, haha). You should be super proud of yourself for coming out of the closet though, and now that the hardest part is done, it's time to start working on feeling comfortable in your own skin. You mentioned that you feel like you need to "cut your hair" and "burn all your clothes" and whatnot, but don't feel like that's truly the case here. You just underwent a major transition in your life, true, but don't feel like you now need to change everything about yourself. If you feel like you truly want to cut off your hair, and that this will make you more comfortable, go do it! If you really don't enjoy the clothes you own, go buy some new stuff! Just don't feel like now that you're out as gay that you have to "dress the part" so to speak. You do you, whatever that entails. I also experienced the whole not being comfortable with calling yourself a lesbian thing, for a good 3 or 4 months. I would just say "I'm gay" all the time, never speaking the word "lesbian" because for some reason I was really uncomfortable with it. That faded after a while and it's totally fine now, but I feel like it's rather common feeling to have.
Thankyou for that. I know it's going to take a while to get used to myself but ugh I just wish it were easy. Without having to go through it all, I've been through a lot in my life (as we all have I'm sure) and I'm just ready for something to just not be insanely difficult. But that's where support groups like this come in, so thankyou! I think I may cut my hair though. I've had a mohawk in the past and I feel like that was quite fitting.
Hello and welcome, PlantGrrl! We're the same age. I understand what you mean, whenever there is a big change we feel like renewing everything around us, we expect to see all the parts of our identity reflected in the things we do and the things we have. And that is fine, feel free to experiment with your image, it might be a great exercise (and metaphor) as you go finding yourself, this part of you that you kept hidden/unknown. See what you feel more comfortable in, don't feel guilty, your image belongs to yourself, and it seems you are very lucky and surrounded by loving and caring people. And I'm sure you'll find more of those in this space. If I can be of any help to you, let me know.
