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Saying Hello

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by LaughingDove, Mar 13, 2015.

  1. LaughingDove

    Regular Member

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    I just found this site yesterday. It seems like a safe haven and I'm grateful to have a place and a community to be a part of.

    I'm here for myself and also for learning ways to support my daughter.

    About a month ago my D15 came out to me. It ended up being this wonderful conversation where I also shared my experiences and feelings with her. Although she is in a large metro high school her friend group right now is the popular/jock kids and though they give lip service to accepting LGBT kids most are pretty homophobic. My D is pretty aware and though she has never had a GF she feels really strongly that she is a lesbian. I am happy for her, wish it was safe for her to come out to her friends-- but she says she is ok with waiting until college as she doesn't really feel as close to the kids who are identifying LGBT at her high school though she says she has a crush on a girl in her ceramics class…. Anyway, so that is one reason why I am here.

    The other reason, primary one, is for me. I'm mid 40's now. Married twice to guys. Three kids from the marriages. I've been divorced from H2 since June of last year. Celibate since dec 2013. Therapy for the past 15 years with a wonderful therapist.

    So- back in the late 80's high school and early college (art school) to early 20's I identified semi-openly as bisexual. It was a very politically intense time as there was the beginning of AIDS/HIV activism going on, the gulf war 1, attacks on artists and just generally an amazing time to be alive but also a very difficult time I felt to be openly bi. I tried going to a couple LGBT meetings and found that saying I was bi marginalized me. A lesbian student said to me at a very small potluck gathering "We don't really trust bi folks so much" which I am sure she didn't mean in a bad way but her words stuck with me. I also was not able to handle the intense political and social scene that was going on around being openly gay or bi --- and eventually just found being straight was easier for me. I also wanted to have kids pretty young (bio clock ticking early) and that led me to getting married to a guy at 26 and starting a family.

    Fast forward to today. Two marriages behind me. I'm feeling healthy, looking good, wanting to find someone to be in a relationship with perhaps. Still pretty shaken from the last marriage that was to a man who is likely a psychopath. Anyway all I want to do is date a woman. I am hoping this is for the right reasons and not just as a reaction to my past but I feel, especially after my daughter coming out to me… that I owe it to myself to try things out and hopefully coming out openly later in life as a lesbian or bisexual when I'm ready to-- will be the right thing.

    Anyway, right now, I'm just saying hello and hoping there are others here who can relate.

    -LaughingDove
     
  2. Chiroptera

    Admin Team Full Member

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    Hooooray, another great mom! :grin:

    She doesn't need to have a girlfriend to be sure about her sexuality. Just like straight people don't need to sleep with the opposite sex to know that they are straight.

    That's up to her. If she isn't confortable enough to come out to others now, that's perfectly fine, of course.

    Either she was completely insane, or just extremelly stupid.

    Being bi doesn't mean you will cheat on someone, or that you aren't able to be in a monogamous relationship (nothing wrong on being poly, but that's another history, not directly related to bisexuality).

    Take a look here, it helped me a lot when i was coming out to myself: The Bisexual Index | Welcome to the Index!

    If you need any advice, or just want to chit-chat, just say it! For now, welcome to the party! :grin:

    Hugs (*hug*)
     
  3. lukeluvznicki13

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    Greetings and Welcome to Empty Closets :welcome: :smilewave :eusa_danc
     
  4. Spartan 117

    Admin Team Full Member

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    Wow, it sounds like your daughter really inspired you to get back in touch with your own sexuality. I think that's amazing!

    Hello, and welcome to EC! :slight_smile: Feel free to look around the forum, and join in with the discussions!
     
  5. happydavid

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  6. LaughingDove

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    Thank you all for welcoming me here. It means so much to me.

    Chiroptera you brought tears to my eyes when I read your response. I'm just trying to be there for my daughter and also trying to figure out my future. Not having anyone IRL to really talk to who would understand has been eating away at me I think. So grateful to be here. I appreciate you taking the time to read my post. I am going to check out the link you shared. I've been reading a lot here trying to take it all in and learn.

    Spartan117- Thank you for the vote of confidence. I am looking forward to getting into some more of the discussions and being part of this community.

    lukeluvznicki13 and happydavid-- hello to you and thanks for stopping by!
     
  7. I'm_Danni_x

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    Welcome to empty closets :slight_smile: