Hello fellow humanoids! I am a 20 year old bisexual female. I've always been aware of my attraction to both men and women but I suppressed my feelings for women for a while because... I'm not really sure why actually. Here is some of my story, maybe some of you can relate or give me advice on how to move forward. The hardest part of coming out was coming out to myself. I've told the majority of my friends, even some very distant acquaintances, and expressed my feelings for both men and women to my mom and aunt. Everyone around me has been very accepting of me... Except maybe myself. This would be because I feel like I should have my sexuality all figured out. I was speaking to a friend the other night and he said that for some people it is definite, others it is a longer process. I'm trying to be loving of myself for not having it all figured out just yet. I am normally very certain of myself but grappling with my sexuality has knocked me a bit. I feel stupid for not being sure of myself in this regard. It's frustrating but that's why I'm here I guess. I am ashamed of this memory but I will share it anyway because it depicts how I reflected my feelings about myself onto someone else in a very insensitive manner. 3 Years ago, one of my close male friends came out as gay (we'll call him Frank). I was having coffee with him and another male friend (we'll call him Tom) discussing life, sexuality and so forth. Tom then came out to us as bisexual. I remember telling him that he was being greedy and had that he had to choose one, making out as though sexuality was a black and white deal. I think back to it and want to cry sometimes because I understand how that must have made him feel. Society has only ever taught me how to deal with males in a romantic way, it didn't do much of a good job with that. I've only been in relationships with males (2 serious ones). I have no idea how to approach females who I may be attracted to. For the past few months I have been more attracted to women than males and when I told this to one of my friends he said, "Since you're bisexual why are you only going for girls then". I didn't know how to explain it to him but then again why should I have to explain myself to anyone about how I feel for others? I can only explain it to a point. Not everyone will understand so I need to figure out how I'm going to deal with that. I am a part of the LGBTQ society at my university and I have spoken to a lesbian friend about meeting girls- so I'm trying to be pro-active but if anyone here has advice for me then please help. Society has only shown me how to deal with romantic feelings in a heterosexual context (it didn't do a good job with that) so I'm uncertain of how to approach women. I have been quite interested in this particular girl for a while noe (she's bi too) but I haven't had the guts to approach her since the one night we chatted together for a while. Also, we have a mutual friend who is very close to the both of us and I wouldn't want to compromise that dynamic... I am grateful to have found this platform. There is more to my story but I'm still figuring that out.
Hello and welcome to EC. How to deal with women? Damned if I know myself... All I know is that being nice, open and honest are a good start. Don't feel as if the next girl is a test, just go with the flow and see where it takes you. Also don't be afraid to make the first step, specially if the girl is looking at you and smiling. Just smile back and say something silly like "hello". Sometimes it works...
Hello and welcome :smilewave I'm not the best at approaching anyone for any reason so I don't have much advice to give there. It does help to not think of people as obstacles or puzzles though. They're just people. Just be friendly and get to know them as people, and if you're interested in them, be open about your feelings. Hope that helps a little
Hello, I feel like I can really relate to your story and your struggle with meeting girls. I only came out to myself last summer and honestly it was maybe the hardest part. I believe the fact that you recognize past mistakes you have made when you misspoke about a friend's orientation shows a lot of growth on your part. Sometimes people (ourselves included) initially aren't as accepting as our community would like them to be. But the hope is that people eventually take the time to open themselves up to a place of understanding. It's great that you have found an LGBTQ community at your school - I sincerely hope it helps you meet girls and embrace your identity p.s. I am also new to this site so I hope I replied to this correctly!
