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Finding peace

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by sk15, Mar 29, 2015.

  1. sk15

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    Hello everyone;

    I'm Stacy or Staci depending on how I'm presenting. Genetically I'm male, but I've had a life-long desire to be a female that seems to come and go. Additionally, I've found my sexual orientation to be fluid - sometimes as the man with a woman, sometimes as a woman with a man, sometimes as a man with a man, and yes, sometimes as a woman with a woman.

    Now middle aged, I've struggled with finding peace for most of my life. No matter the group I was with, I always felt like the odd ball. To complicate matters, as a youth I had epilepsy and built high walls to protect myself from the teasing over the seizures. The walls I had built would be compared to Fort Knox - I was teased enough over the seizures; there was no way I was going to give them more ammo to use against me.

    I grew up being told to get on disability, that I'll never be able to hold a job or life a normal life. I married the first girl to not run the other direction when I had a seizure determined to prove them all wrong that I was just as normal as everyone else.

    Fast forward to 2003. At age 31 I had brain surgery and I finally broke through the wall of the prison I was in due to the seizures. I was free of the prison, but not the prison grounds - I found I was still behind a razor-wire topped fence (my wife, daughter, & family).

    Saving you from all the boring details over the next 10 years, it wasn't a pleasant 10 years. My parents passed away, I sunk into a depression and let my health go, ended up knocking on death's door in 2011. Thankfully I prevailed and am back in good health. My scare did serve as a wake up call to live life to be happy. I divorced, and am now starting to write the next chapter of my life completely free to do whatever I want to do with whoever I want to share it with. I legally changed my name to disappear from everyone that I knew, and I'm working a plan to relocate to a new state.

    I've adopted the mindset that whoever I was prior to legally changing my name, is dead. Only my closest, dearest friends, and my daughter remain in my life. I'm forging forward to write the next chapter as Stacy and/or Staci and doing what I need to do for me - I'm through with stuffing myself into the mold others want to keep me in.

    So that's my story... Hello world! (!)

    XOXO

    Stacy
     
  2. Twyla

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    Congratulations on freeing yourself from the molds! Yay you!! :eusa_clap. May you find renewed energy and clarity in this next chapter of your life as you walk in continued peace and love. ♡
     
  3. Hello! Welcome to EC! It's great to meet you! You're always welcomed to wall message us if you need someone to talk to! We hope you like it here! :slight_smile:
     
  4. lovely lesbian

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  5. happydavid

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