Hi. I'll be honest, I'm here because I'm just starting to realize that I'm trans and I'm kind of freaking out and have no idea what to do. To give you an idea of who I sort of am, I live in east Texas, in an area called the "Bible Belt." As you can imagine, it's not the most open-minded or lgbt friendly place in the US. I've been dealing with depression for a long time, (since a little before puberty, I think?) and I dealt with a lot of bullying in school, mainly because I was a spectrum kid from California and I had no idea how to fit in. Thanks to that, I developed really bad self-esteem, verging on an inferiority complex. Bullying kind of quit by high school, but by then my depression was here to stay, and my grades suffered. So of course, my relationship with my parents got really bad, and things in my head got worse. During my first semester of college I had a complete breakdown. I shut myself in my room for almost a week, stopped going to class, didn't talk to people, and even quit eating. So my parents made me come home. The upside is, they finally understood the depth of my depression, and got me help. When I started therapy, I started really examining who I was, versus who I wanted to be, versus who I was before depression. That's when I realized that what I always thought was just a bad body-image was actually dysphoria. I realized I was trans. Of course, my parents would never accept it, they're conservative catholics. The rest of my small town wouldn't take the news kindly either, I'd be ostracized, and probably lose my job. So I'm here, looking for people to talk to, for advice, just to keep me sane, that sort of thing. I'm not even sure what to ask, I've never even met another trans person in real life before. I'm that isolated. The nearest gender therapist is an hour and a half drive away, and I'm on my parents insurance, so even if I could regularly make the trip, I couldn't actually go without them knowing. I'm not really sure how to move forward. Well, aside from all that melancholic crap, I'm a complete nerd. I like computer science, cryptography, art, I play the piano, and I sort of have a guilty pleasure for anime. That's basically me in a nutshell. Sorry for all the sob story, but I came here for help, and so I figured people need context. I spend a fair bit of time on random forums, and you people that frequent the "welcome" sections are the best people, so thanks in advance. If I can make some friend while I'm here, that's a plus, feel free to come to me about anything. I don't have a lot of experience with the lgbt community, so I'm not really sure how good my advice on that would be, but if anyone wants to talk about depression or anxiety and dealing with that, I'm all ears.
Hey, I'm sorry about all of your confusion and depression. As someone who has also dealt with bullying, depression and homophobia, I empathize with what you're going through. I'm not really sure how to give good advice either but feel free to rant to me about anything you want. btw, I love art and piano too.
Hello! I am sorry about your rough times, but things will get better, you just have to keep going strong! I hope you enjoy your time on here
Welcome to Empty Closets! I'm sorry you have to go through the depression and dysphoria without being able to get help. Hopefully, an opportunity will open up where you can visit a gender therapist. I'm in the same situation with the super religious parents. I'm glad you found the site!
I can say we have a lot in common. What you have to do at the end of the day, regardless if you come out or not, is learn to love yourself just the way you are. Don't let the thoughts that pop into your head due to believing everyone will judge you make you feel bad. You might be surprised how many people would still accept you. But even if they don't, you can't let it bother you. You have to weigh the consequences, would you rather have people possibly judge you, but get to be yourself, or have people still like you, but you can never be yourself? I struggle with this exact same thing, I swear to God. If you ever need to talk about anything, you can talk to me. We're one in the same.
Thanks everyone. Honestly I have no idea really what I expect to do here, but it's nice to have a supportive community if I need it.
