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questioning who I am

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by abbs95, May 20, 2015.

  1. abbs95

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    Hi guys,
    I'm abbs and recently been doing a lot of thinking about who I am.

    I've always thought that I am straight; I've had crushes on guys, pictured myself with a guy, kissed guys... you get the picture. I mean, there was always some thoughts that popped up about kissing girls, but never substantial. I've always seen some girls as attractive/hot but thought "every girl thinks that" or "It's just because I want to look like that". Other little things like I would ask my friends if they would ever kiss/sleep with a girl if offered, they said no and I always said I would.

    Anyway, two weeks ago I had my first proper sexual experience with a guy at the grand old age of 20. We met back in the summer (he was on holiday in Wales and was going back to New Zealand in the autumn) we went on a few dates and spoke loads throughout the year. He was coming back for 2 years in the spring and I said I would meet him at the airport and we'd spend the weekend in London together. I had a really nice weekend with him and did enjoy the sex, but I had a few thoughts of "what would this be like with a girl". I pictured a women sitting at the end of the bed not him, and me holding hands with a women instead. This all hit me suddenly when I left! I knew that I had had little doubts about my sexuality for a while now and that I should probably speak to someone.

    I spoke with my mum and told her that I wasn't sure about this guy, and she said "Is it this guy, or is it guys in general?". I was speechless, I guess I've always made little, almost jokey comments to my mum about liking women but I am so glad she said this. I'm not sure I would have been able to say it myself.
    Since then I have been so confused. I have amazing family and friends who I have been speaking to and are supporting me which I know that I am so so lucky to have!
    I started off completely in denial about liking girls... but the idea has grown stronger the more I have thought about dating/kissing/sleeping with girls and it feels kindda right.
    But I am still so confused! I still am attracted to men, and how could it have not hit me until now? I always thought that you just "knew" if you were gay/bi? I'm still coming around to the idea of me not being straight as it freaked me out at first! I felt wrong to have these thoughts, especially when they involved my friends. I guess I just need time. I've spoken to a few people who are lgbt and they have told me to just take things slow and don't label anything, which is great advice. I don't know what I am but I think it is time to stop ignoring these little thoughts and explore this world a little. So that's what I am doing here, I just feel a little lost and am trying to get as much advice as possible as to where I go from here :slight_smile: (Sorry, that was a lot longer than I had intended!)
     
  2. Sevan

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    Hey Abbs! Welcome to EC!

    It's great to see someone coming into their own and reaching out to a community for a little advice and maybe some ideas to start heading in the right direction.
    Attraction isn't black and white! There's all sorts of gray areas in between. All sorts of levels of attraction. There are so many different kinds of sexualities, it's good that you're not going to rush into it and take your time discovering.

    If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to drop a message on my wall. And, again, welcome to EC :grin:
     
  3. star trek

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    Hello, Welcome to EC!
     
  4. confuseddreamer

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    Hi... Sevan is absolutely right. Attraction and sexuality is not as simple as just being cut and dried. It's not as simple as just straight, bi or gay. I myself am bi, but find myself more attracted to guys, but on top of that, am married and love my wife. There is no question that I am straight though. Like many men, married or not, finfd themselves attracted to girls, I find myself attracted to guys as well, and as I say, probably more so.
    I'm still coming around to the idea of me not being straight as it freaked me out at first! I felt wrong to have these thoughts
    I thought this for a long time, but realised I was kidding myself, and I am now coming to terms with and learning to accept my bisexuality.
    It's a massive step, and I feel a little lost myself, but we have come to the right place here. You will get plenty of support and encouragement. Please do inbox me anytime if you'd like to chat, and everyone else here, will I know, only be too pleased to help and advise.
     
  5. lovely lesbian

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  6. gman777

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    hello welcome!
     
  7. happydavid

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