Hi everyone my name is Vivian for a while been looking at this site and finally decided to join in. I'm not quite sure where I have to post since I'm 49 years old next month I'll be turning 50. I came to this site looking for friends, someone who can hear my story and could understand what I'm going through and who knows maybe someday I'll be able to help someone else. My problem has to do with heart matters (one of many problems) I came out to my husband, son and daughter and practically everyone at work knows. I'm not sure what label to put myself in and is it really important. I fell in love with a woman at work. Before I go any further I would like to know where is it appropriate to post. I really need someone because I'm scared to do something stupid, at this moment I'm really depressed.
Welcome! If want to get advice on how to proceed with the relationship, I might suggest starting a thread in the relationships section. It's a good place to start.
Hi Vivian... I was pleased to see your message here. I am of a fairly similar age to you, and in an almost identical position to you, in being being bi, and having a wife - although we don't have children. It's a long story, but, although knowing about my genderfluidity (and is accepting, but uncomfortable about it), she does not know about me being bi, and cant - Like you, my problem has to do with heart matters, but that is only one of one of many problems. One being, she’s certainly not homophobic, but other members of her family are - and I’ve heard things they’ve said – and they’re not nice at all. They’ve really hurt me, but I’ve just had to bite my lips and smile on. I think the burden on her of knowing this would be too much and an unfair burden. It wasn't that long ago, I realised, after kidding myself for such a long time, that I'm bi, and after discussing it with two very trusted friends I have at length about how I was feeling, and they both said, just be honest with yourself, don’t be ashamed of anything and be proud of who you are. I’ve been frightened, upset, and emotional, but am beginning to accept and come to terms with who I am. Despite still, when I look in the mirror, thinking to myself, “My God, he’s bi”, I’m feeling more and more proud and so much happier, now that I’m understanding myself. I have however, more recently, had this feeling about being genderfluid, and the feeling of a femaile identity intrigues me, but it does frighten me. For now, I'm still very confused and feel messed up myself, and for now, still need advice, guidance and reassurance.
Hi confused dreamer first of all thank you for your reply and requesting me as a friend. I see you mentioned you have similar problem but may I as one one thing, are you in love with the woman your married with because that makes a huge difference I think. I believe that would have to be the first thing you should be sure of before taking any other steps. As for me I sort of knew all my life I had it in me and like I said call myself now bi but I realized that whenever I've been with a man (husbands) included I've always had to think of women. I used to be scared of what others thought of me that's whiy I've always tried to keep it a secret, it wasn't till last year that I was able to open up. I love my husband he is a good man but I'm not in love with him, I know I've hurt him but I can't continue living a lie he also is much older than me over twenty-one years, and what scared me most was coming out to my kids and to my surprise they took it well so after that whom ever really cares about me should except me as I am who I am. I am in love with a woman but that's another problem altogether and its what's really driving me crazy. I would like to tell you in detail bit don't want to bombard you with so much at once. I realize you too have your problems. Will talk later, you take care and thank you
