I'm new to this, looking for some helpful advice

Hi everyone, I'm new here (to this site as well as to the LGBT community)

I read about this site on a column about being new to lesbianism. One of the steps was to seek online support groups, so I'm here. I've recently come to realize that I'm most likely a lesbian, and I'd like to get to know others like me.

A bit about me; I'm 24 years old, and for the last 21-22 years I thought I was straight. I've never really been in a serious relationship, so I don't have much experience to go off of, and I don't know if that's bad or not. I've never had good luck with guys, and the few that I did date terrified me. I would be fine in public or around family and friends, but when left alone I became rather anxious and just wanted to get away. That is one of the things that has made me question my sexuality. Another one, and the most influential, is my relationship with my used-to-be best friend. I didn't know it at the time, but looking back now I realize that I was in love with her. I always treated our relationship differently than any other friendship I'd had. I would get jealous when she would go out on dates, I would always want to spend time with her, and again I didn't realize it until after the fact, but I used to check her out and admire her quite frequently. She must have caught on to all of this, because suddenly we weren't friends anymore and I had no idea why. I was completely distraught for months after this, and it took me a good solid year to finally be okay with it. Later I had a conversation with a mutual friend of ours who told me that her sister told them she thought I was gay for her (my BF). I scoffed and denied it, but it planted a seed.

I soon discovered lesbian fanfiction, at first hiding it, like I was doing something wrong, but slowly came to embrace how it made me feel. I began to question my true feelings for girls, at the same time as I started to dislike men more and more. I've alway been a tomboy, and growing up I was made fun of a lot because of it. I was the stupid tomboy or Tarzan, and then when I got older people outright called me a dyke. It used to make me furious, and I would deny it wholeheartedly, but now I know they were right, and once I embraced it I felt so much lighter. Both of my siblings know, as well as my best friend and mother, and they are all 100% supportive, which makes me so very grateful, and they have helped me as well to come to terms with who I am.

Now the part that I'm confused about, is that I still find men attractive, and they can turn me on, but the thought of actually being with one grosses me out. Women on the other hand, just continue to intrigue me more and more. I really want to get out into the world of lesbians and start meeting people. So as I said, I'm new to this, and I can't quite figure out what it is I really want, and I'd sure love some advice.

- The most likely lesbian, but possibly bisexual, confused girl.

 

Thanks for all your support and comments It felt good to read them all. I'm obviously still trying to figure this out, but I feel more confident and better about this as each day goes by. I also feel rather glad that I found this site, it's already helped me tremendously.