Okay, so I'm biologically a female. And recently (about end of 2014) I started questioning my gender. At first I thought maybe I was transgender? But I don't know if I want a penis(?) can I still be trans if I don't decide to get bottom surgery? I would just be transgender not transsexual right? (Answer this question with [1.]) But then I thought maybe I'm genderfluid or bigender. Some days I feel a little bit female but more masculine. I prefer he/him pronouns and love when people tell me I look like a dude. I feel more comfortable in jeans or gym shorts and a t-shirt. I'll wear girls shorts when I have to and I don't mind, but I just feel uncomfortable. Could somebody talk about what it means to be gender fluid and/or bigender? [2.] Also about [1.] if I were male, I think I'd be gay but maybe I'm pan(?) still figuring that out, but do you think gay guys (or anything but straight) would still be interested in me if I didn't get bottom surgery? [1.5] Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this and thanks to those that reply! It's greatly appreciated.
You sound a lot like me. I identify as genderfluid AS OF NOW, but I'm unsure of a lot of things. Biologically female, I'm pansexual but I tend to prefer guys, and even though I have gender dysphoria sometimes I don't really want a penis. Anyway, to answer your questions: 1. You can totally still be trans if you don't get bottom surgery. Like I said, I don't want to either, and who knows, maybe in the future your feelings will change about it. But I personally think gender is about how you feel in your mind (even though dysphoria can be caused by your body) so the fact that you may not want a penis is completely okay. 1.5. Of course it depends on the person, but I'm sure there are people who would be interested in a transguy who hasn't gotten bottom surgery. I'd be cool with it, and I've actually discussed this with a friend of mine (who is a transguy) and he said he'd be fine with it as well. You just have to find the right person, just like we all try to! 2. This is what my own genderfluidity is like, but obviously it differs for each person. For me, my gender changes every few days. Mainly between male and female, but sometimes I feel somewhat in between or neither, which is why I'm still trying to figure out whether I am bigender or genderfluid. Sometimes my gender can switch in the middle of the day, which really sucks. I only experience dysphoria when I'm a guy (since I'm biologically female) and it doesn't help that I can only dress as male when I'm alone. Again, being gender fluid is a very personal thing and every genderfluid person will describe it differently. Hope I helped a little bit!
1. You can be transgender without getting private-part surgery, and I think quite a few transgender people don't change that part of their bodies, and many don't change that part of their bodies until they have already been publicly transgender for a while. Do what you feel comfortable with its up to you. 1.5. Because orientation and gender are very different things, what do you mean when you say that you think that if you were transgender then you would be a gay guy? Who do you feel attracted to now (I know that you are questioning at the moment so this might be hard to answer)? If you are transgender and you feel attracted to guys but not girls then you are probably a gay guy. Likewise, If you feel attracted to girls but not guys then you are probably a straight guy, or if you feel attracted to guys and girls then probably a bisexual guy. If you feel attracted to people of any gender and sex e.g. girls, boys, transgenders, gender fluid people, genderqueer people etc. then you are probably pansexual. People who are pansexual can feel attracted to you even if you don't get bottom surgery. I think most other sexual orientations wouldn't but there are quite a few pansexual people out there. 2. It is possible that maybe you are just a feminine male? Or as you said, you could be gender fluid, bigender, or genderqueer. Genderfluid is when sometimes you feel female and other times you feel male. Bigender basically means that you identify as male or female- sometimes at the same time, and other times you change genders like being genderfluid. Genderqueer applies to anything which doesn't fall under the binary of either male or female- including, but not limited to, genderfluid people and bigender people. I hope this helps! (!)(*hug*)
You sound like a ftm transgender, but since I don't know you, I don't think you are a transsexual. Sounds like you are not. If you are comfortable wearing clothes you like, wear them.
I've been increasingly finding myself feeling as genderfluid – or is it just the feeling occasionally of living a female for a time? I am biologically male, which is how I wish to stay - and am bi but I do tend to prefer guys. I am married also, but this neither this, nor my feeling of genderfluidity has presented a problem in my life (because of my love for my wife, which is going to remain unabated and not change). My feeling of femininity is only an occasional thing. You can totally still be trans even without surgery. As Latia says, gender is about how you feel in your mind.. A good friend of mine is going through the early stages of transgender now, but it is up to the individual. My finding of my genderfluidity tends to manifest itself with being largely male, with my feeling of gender changing only every now and then. I’m not sure if all this means my feelings are as far as dysphoria, but again, like Latia, it doesn't help that I can only generally dress as female when I'm alone – and when I do, it is amazing. Genderfluidity is a very much indeed, a personal thing and every genderfluid person will describe it differently. Stay strong, and how you truly feel will come through and the mist of your confusion (as I’m sure it will with me), will in time, dissapate.
I always kind of have the question: if you being yourself made your partner uncomfortable to the point of rejecting you would it really be a worthwhile relationship? someone will always find you attractive and beautiful and you will always have a chance at love. 1. You can be transgender if you feel like it. Gender is not about your body but about your role in society and how you feel in your heart! Its just who you are as I understand it. Not what you make yourself into.
Maybe the trick is not to put a label on it Practice acting how you want to act, dressing how you want to dress and being exactly who you want to be. Bit by bit if need be. Not everyone needs to comform to 'If Im confused about my gender identity I MUST need surgery!!' No, that's a huge step which only should be taken if you are absolutely certain of what you want. Dont worry about fitting under a particular banner or label right now. Just start being who you truly want to be in every sense, do nothing you dont want to do or aren't ready for, and let the wonderful individual you are be your identity, not a label x
