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Hi!

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by CommasGalore, Jul 21, 2015.

  1. CommasGalore

    Regular Member

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    Well, well, I suppose now that I've finally worked up the nerve to join this site, I should probably introduce myself.

    I can't exactly say I'm new to questioning. For a while I hung around in that awkward, not-knowing state pertaining to sexual orientation. Luckily for me though, I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that, yeah, I like girls, and probably just girls, although I try to keep an open mind.

    I do have some friends who aren't straight, and helped me so much trying to get a handle on what I was really feeling. They were wonderful, and I'm so, so thankful. However, my situation is made a little more complicated than theirs--

    I'm not sure of my gender.

    Many trans people describe knowing their gender since they were kids. I've never had that experience. I was a pretty feminine child, wearing one dress over another. My friends were a mixed bunch, yes, but I never had an issue with behaving like a stereotypical girl. Even as I broke away from this extreme form of femininity, I continued to identify as a cis girl without a problem.

    Then I hit puberty. As much as I dreaded the frustration of teenage years (I was a late bloomer, and my friends complaints did nothing to brighten my spirits), it was much worse than I anticipated. I watched with horror as breasts began to develop. I hated them, I really did. I just wanted them gone completely. However, I figured it was just a normal part of puberty, and I would get used to them.

    Needless to say, as I became more and more feminine-looking, I didn't become any more comfortable with my body. I started to have constant thoughts of being a boy, or at least something other than a girl. Due to this, combined with the pressures of school and the struggles of friends, my mental state hit a horrific low, to the point where I wasn't sure if I wanted to go on living.

    With the help of those around me, I pulled out of that state, but I still couldn't shake the feeling something wasn't quite right. It wasn't until a few months ago that I met an online friend who was trans, and recognized that this might have something to do with gender.

    For a while I identified as a trans guy in the non-judgmental parts of my mind, but that didn't feel right either. A little more research revealed to me that it was possible I was nonbinary.

    For now though, I've just decided to coast along in gender limbo, going with the flow. I've decided to join EC to talk with others, and hopefully learn a little more about myself in the process!

    Whew! That was longer than expected. If you've read through all this, bravo, it can't have been easy!

    In all, I'm glad to be here and meet you all!
     
  2. BENTLEY

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    hey, welcome. im new too. names bentley, nice to meet ya.

    i know exactly how you feel, to be honest, im pretty much the same. but like, you dont have to conform to being just male, or just female, or trans. nonbinary is just fine. its basically everything and anything that doesnt fit anywhere else in the gender spectrum. so feeling like you dont want a 'feminine' body but also not wanting to be completely 'male' is totally fine and i understand that very personally.

    it differs from person to person, and sometimes it even has something to do with how you feel sometimes. like i'll sometimes feel more feminine, and other times more masculine, depending on emotions or on what i want to wear that day etc.

    but like, the thing too is, that say, youre a trans boy, you dont necessarily have to dress in just boy clothes. because clothes have no gender. sure, people can use them to help express themselves in order to fit a certain gender, but if youre a boy, then the clothes you wear are boy clothes, because their YOUR clothes, regardless if its jeans or a skirt.

    only YOU define what your clothes gender is, or if they have none. its your choice, and it all depends on what you want them to represent. so dont ever feel confused or anything, youre fine. you dont need to identify as one or any specific gender. just be you.

    also, just like clothes, pronouns have no gender either, unless you want them to. there is no such thing as male pronouns, nor female pronouns. they are what you make them. say youre a female, but feel more comfortable with 'he,him,his' pronouns, then those are your female pronouns.

    its all a bit confusing, but you have to remember, that gender is a concept, and its only there to represent what you feel inside, and if you want to match what you feel inside, with your physical being, then do just that.

    sorry if this post is a mess, lol. i typed a bit fast cuss i didnt wanna forget anything.

    p.s. there is no right age of knowing if youre trans or not. you can spend 40 years identifying as cis female, but then discover youre trans, or any other gender. like everything, it differs from person to person.
     
  3. happydavid

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    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
  4. CommasGalore

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    Hey guys!

    To bently, what you're saying about gendered pronouns and clothing makes absolute sense, and is a pretty great way of looking at things. Unfortunately, society isn't so open. When most people hear "he" they'll assume it's a guy, when people look at a dress, they'll assume they're seeing a girl. That's something that should change, but probably won't for a long time, as its so ingrained in people's minds.

    To the both of you, thanks for the replies!
     
  5. lovely lesbian

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  6. BENTLEY

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    yeah, thats the problem with society. mostly everybodys is ignorant and uneducated about gender and how it actually works. and it becomes very exhausting having to explain it to people who are against it too.

    best thing you could do is surround yourself with people who do understand, and keep away from the negatives. its what i try to do. tho its hard when i live with transphobes/homophobes. i plan to move away next year tho, hopefully. so im expecting it to be better once i do.