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New, confused and looking for advice.

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by OceanTides, Aug 12, 2015.

  1. OceanTides

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    Hello everyone, my name is Damien.
    I don't know if this counts as "coming out", but I didn't really know where to post it. I'm looking for advice and perhaps some support, but mostly I want to know if there are others like me.

    I was born female and have embraced it fully up until about five years ago, living with a very feminine name. Slowly I have been figuring it out by myself and have come to the very messy conclusion that I am male. But, for some reason I sometimes really like my female body so I've become very confused and angry with myself. I love women's fashion and the way it looks on me, but when I wear men's clothing I almost like it better, although I have never seen myself without breasts. Right now I do not have a binder, although my supportive mother is working to get me one and because of my breast size, bandages don't work (I've also heard that they're not good for you).

    My lifestyle would be viewed by most as "girly" (pink cute fluffy things) and I don't intend on changing it, but I still identify as male.

    I have been researching Transgender and Transexual people and things like Gender Dysphoria, and there are so many things that people have said that make sense to me and fit me perfectly. Yet, despite feeling trapped and depressed, I'm still sometimes comfortable with my female anatomy.

    I came out as Bi last year and, thankfully, all of my friends and family have been supportive. A few months ago I even met a girl who I started having a crush on. We went on dates and even had a movie marathon together and I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend when suddenly I sort of lost all my feelings for her. I've been trying to figure out why it happened and why so suddenly and I think it has something to do with the whole "Gender" issue. Around the same time is when I began to figure out what was going on with my gender and things started to make more sense to me. I'm male, but more attracted to other males?

    Am I Gender Fluid? Am I trans? A trans guy who's gay? If anyone has advice or similar experiences, I'd really appreciate it.
     
  2. Nychthemeron

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    Hi.

    Some people will disagree with me, but as long as you feel like you're a guy, then you're a guy. Some people are fine with their bodies and others are not.

    It's fine to like to wear traditionally feminine clothes. It doesn't affect your gender identity, just your gender expression.

    Trans people don't have to have dysphoria 24/7. I haven't had severe dysphoria in months, but earlier it was extremely difficult and almost unmanageable. So just because you feel comfortable with your body doesn't mean your identity as trans or non-binary is invalid.

    You may be genderfluid if you identify differently. That's basically going from calling yourself a girl to calling yourself a boy to calling yourself neither, both, or just you, really. But if your gender identity is static genderfluidity may not be the best fitting label for you.

    It's really up to you though.

    Good luck.
     
  3. happydavid

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  4. levi2000

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    Hey Damien!
    Don't worry too much about labels. You'll eventually find something that fits you.
    If you feel like a boy, then you are a boy! It doesn't matter how you like to dress. Also, you don't need to feel dysphoria if you're trans. You can be comfortable with your body, trans or not!
    Unfortunately, I can't answer your question about if you are genderfluid or trans; you have to do that yourself.
    I will tell you that trans boys always feel like they're a boy (regardless of what they like to do/wear), and genderfluid people fluctuate between different genders.
    I wish you luck on discovering yourself!

    **quick note:
    Try to avoid using the phrase "born female", because it enforces the idea that your body determines your gender. Instead, use "afab", or "assigned female at birth". I don't mean to be rude by correcting you, I just want to avoid afab trans people getting offended. Thanks! :slight_smile:
     
  5. OceanTides

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    Thank you for mentioning this. Its something I was unaware of, I'll be sure to remember. Again thank you for your advice.