Hi all, This is my first post... so , i came to know about this website while i googled my problem. accidentally i found that there are guys with exactly same problems as I am having right now. first of all, Here are somethings about me: I am in mid twenties, studying engineering and coming from india. I am from the semi-orthodox hindu family. We live in joint family, an ancient tradition where multiple families stay in one home. I am my parents elder son. Traditionally I am expected to do a lot and being gay is way out of the question. Mostly, they know very superficial about being homosexual. additionally, in our society, there are no homosexuals!, the marriage is banned and a punishable offence in india. Additionally the social pressure will just crush my parents and my family. They will not be able to live with the dignity they deserve. prople will judge them for my actions. they might keep blaming their self or god for my condition. They will be judged and isolated. this is the last thing one wants in their late life. I most certainly, in any case dont want to their son who did this to them. As far as I am concerned, I see gay porn almost 90% of the times and appreciate only the good looking women. I know, deep inside i am attracted to guys. I can accept, that i am gay or optimistically speaking bisexual. However, there is a twist in my story. although I am attracted to guys, I dont want to have relationship with them. I never tried to flirt, date or never even had a crush. sometimes, in bar i got asked for making out by other guys but i just said no. It didnt took a complete second for me to deny the proposal. I dont know what is the reason behind it. However, I always wanted to and still want to marry a women. I think i have abstained myself from my attraction towards guys before and i will keep on doing that. (Or may be i am just kidding my self!) I came across the people who are cross oriented. those who are sexually attracted to same gender and romantically attracted to the other. Can this be a case for me too? Right now, my stand is that i have to come out to my parents because they will start pressurize me for marriage in few months and I will tell them regarding my situation. The problem is, there is no solution further. I will either be alone for rest of the life or find a marriage of convenience. In a perfect world, I should start doing what i like. However, to my self it is not clear and neither is this a perfect world. I decided to find a partner who is Asexual, It looks like it fits to me but it is hard to find them too. I am now thinking of taking professional advice but dot know which kind of doctor to approach? sex expert or the psychologist. It looks like i wrote too much and in very confusing order. may be because i am confused. but i needed to take it off my chest. it feels lighter already. Thank you all for your support and starting this community. I am open to all kind of the suggestions and help. Thanks for your time
Hi AbCd. I am hear your confusion and stress about your sexuality and your family. I am glad that you took the step to write about all these pressures and stresses in your life. I would strongly suggest that you start seeing a therapist. There are so many issues that you need to work through, especially with the guilt and pressure of having a traditional, religious family. Life is difficult enough without these added pressures. I wish you all the best as you search for a balance between who you are and the pressures of who your family expects you to be.
Heyo! Woah engineering, I'm jealous! India sounds difficult for you :/ all those traditions and pressures man~ There's loads of cross-orientated peeps here, you could be one but you have to find that out for yourself As Faazi said maybe go and see a therapist~ Hopefully EC can help ya in many ways Good luck ^.^
Thank you very much for replying! I am also thinking about getting professional help. But could anyone please inform, which type of doctor to consult to? those expert in sex problems or psychologists? Thanks in advance
