Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, all! I've been meaning to get on some LGBTA+ forums for awhile now but just never got around to it, but a google search along the lines of "am i really gay though" led me to a thread on here, so I thought, why not? I'm kind of adjusting to the idea of keeping things on the downlow, like I don't want to go off about many of my interests or hobbies for fear of someone recognizing me (though if anyone I know is on this site, they're probably cool, but idk; I'm not very out yet). So, I'm like "well, how do I introduce myself??" Even my username has nothing to do with my interests and I'm just like "this anonymous on the internet thing is new" since the internet is usually where I get to be myself. But anyway! I'm in my early twenties, recently realized I REALLY like my also female best friend, told her how I feel, she feels the same, we're slowly dipping our toes into dating territory, but it's awkward, because I'm not out to my family, she's out as bi, and she comes and visits and we still act like we're friends and it's just like ??? But oh well, it is what it is. It's also awkward because I've never dated before, so I'm like ?? what do i do?? and she's never dated a girl before, so she's also like ???, so we're kind of stumbling our way through it, but given the circumstances, things are going well (we're also a bit of a distance, since I moved back home last summer; so we'll see each other nonstop for a weekend and then not see each other for weeks or even months, so that's also something we're adjusting to). I'm fairly certain I'm not heterosexual. Growing up, I was never closed to the idea of being gay, like I really didn't care. I used to say, "Well, I think I"m straight, but if I ever end up with a girl, that's fine, too." And looking back, I think I'd say I was straight because everyone around me was straight, and expected me to be straight, and I didn't have any interest in anyone (of any gender), so I never really explored that, and I was like "well, I guess I'm straight." And now I'm realizing I am at least bisexual, likely with a preference for women (I tend to go for short, feminine men, lol), and it's an awkward time to be exploring this because I *just* moved back to my conservative hometown, and I'm like "wow this is amazing (terrible) timing." But oh well. Besides the occasional nighttime panic attack, and being several hours worth of driving from my now girlfriend, things are going well. Sorry this got so long. I really don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff right now. Like I used to talk to my girlfriend about it, when we were just friends, but now some of my anxieties involve her and I don't want to talk to her about it, not yet anyway. I'm mostly here to talk to others and just learn what other people are going through, I guess? Like, in the past few years, I did realize I'm probably a lesbian, and that was a fine thought academically, but now that being gay has real world applications (and consequences), I'm struggling with it and accepting it, and all that good stuff. I really dread the day I come out to my parents, but I don't see that happening for at least another year or two, so I'm just kinda pushing those thoughts away. I currently live with them and I don't want to come out while I'm living with them, or when I'm in my small town, because I don't want to be around when I inevitably become the subject of town gossip and scandal, you know? On the bright side I'm getting serious about some college courses and expect to be done with that in about a year, and then in theory I'll go get an apartment and a job, and become independent and more self confident. Like, idk. It's bizarre. My mom is pro-gay rights and she's friends with a few gay men, and my dad really doesn't have a stance on it-- his philosophy is, "as long as you don't mess with me, I don't care what you do." But I still feel like they're going to be weird about me coming out, idk. I guess we'll see what happens when that day comes. I just really don't want to be living here when it does come. It's like, I've never said I wasn't gay, and I've never dated a man (really, looking at my track record, through games and dares, I've kissed more girls than I have guys, so...), but my family just assumes I'm straight, and I feel really indignant about having to correct them about it, but I guess it will have to be done, one day. Hm, this got really long, but idk. Good on you, if you read it all, and hi there.