A great many new things

Hi everybody. I just wanted to introduce myself. I expect I'll be in and out as I'm rather busy with work and school.

I'm 32 and was born female. I always sort of accepted that at face value even though I never felt especially feminine. I just felt like me. I have the bits I have and I'm attracted to what I'm attracted to. I occasionally want to dress up and feel pretty but it is fairly rare. I also have occasionally wished I was a guy but always chalked it up to males generally having an easier time of it in this world.

Then, a few days ago, the idea of being genderfluid occurred to me and it was like a piece in the jigsaw of my life was suddenly rotated properly into place when I didn't realize it was askew. So many things made so much more sense. A vague sense of unease I've had my whole life but I did not have the words to describe became a lot less vague. It was a dysphoria and disconnect when I was in "guy mode" and my body didn't match the way my brain felt. As I cannot afford a packer right now, I mocked one up out of rolled up stockings and it was amazing to me how much better and how much more right it felt.

So my gender and orientation seems to be a little complicated. LOL. When I feel female, I feel very submissive and straight. Want guys only, thank you very much. When neutral, a little less submissive and a little less straight. Mainly just an appreciation for a beautiful woman and mainly just still wanting the lads. When I feel male, I'm apparently quite aggressive, dominant, and very bi. It's a bit of a shock since I've spent my life being very shy and meek for a variety of reasons. Yesterday, I channeled my disconnect and anxiety over having to present as female at work when I felt male into being more assertive than I've ever been. Felt great.

I've come out to a few select friends that I felt I could trust to not flip out on me. I can't come out to my family. There's no way most of them would understand and I don't really trust the others to be able to keep it a secret.

In short, hi! Pleased to be here. :smilewave