1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Hi there... I could use some insight...

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by SammyTan, Nov 17, 2015.

  1. SammyTan

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2015
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    South Carolina
    Gender:
    Male
    I put on my profile that I am a straight male. And I am. I have been married for 27 years, happily, have three wonderful sons, and I love my family...

    On the flip side if I were offered by God or some higher power to be made a woman, particularly as I see myself. I would do it in a second. I wouldn't want to hurt my sweetheart I love her, I wouldn't want to hurt my children.

    I know that part of my feelings stem from a physiological hormone issue.. For some reason the testosterone levels have been plummeting.. I have less testosterone than the average female... I don't think I have increased progesterone or estrogen they didn't test for that... So to know there may be a chemical component to how I'm feeling.

    I love to go to second life, too much. I get addicted to being there and being my 20 something persona. Very few people there know that in to I am male, and the ones that do were surprised because that persona is a twenty-something girl. And I have the emotional, reactions of a admittedly bi girl.

    But in rl if I could be a girl tomorrow, and I know it's a cop out to some degree, without anyone realizing it had ever been any different I would do it. In some ways I have always wanted to be a girl, but I also wanted to be a boy. I was always sensitive and emotional and still am.. I .. I don't even know what I'm asking... If anything... I'm just ... I guess I just needed somewhere I could say this that I didn't have to worry about being laughed at, made fun of, or turned away... At least hopefully not...

    Sorry if this is lame... I probably should have read more intros and patterned this after them, but i had to get this off my chest.... ( I'm typing on my iPhone, so if there are words that don't make sense please blame Siri! :slight_smile:. I'll try to catch any obvious ones.

    Thank you,
    Sammy :icon_redf
     
  2. Spartan 117

    Admin Team Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2014
    Messages:
    964
    Likes Received:
    539
    Location:
    Isle of Wight, UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Just a quick note to say hello and I think you've come to the right place - nobody will laugh at you here. We have a Gender Identity and Expression forum that I think you might find helpful. :slight_smile: In the meantime, welcome to EC and congratulations on getting through all that on an iPhone keyboard!
     
  3. DinelodiiGitli

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2014
    Messages:
    510
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Land of Citrus Fruit and Gators.
    Welcome to EC, hope you find what you're looking for.
     
  4. SammyTan

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2015
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    South Carolina
    Gender:
    Male
    Thank you for your welcome it seems strange to me that after I posted this message I checked the forum every little while to see if there had been a response... I think this is more important to me than I realized.

    Thanks everyone.
     
  5. justin88

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2015
    Messages:
    2,118
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Southern Ontario, Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Welcome to EC! I hope that you do find some comfort on here, everyone's quite friendly and caring so I'm sure you'll fit right in. :slight_smile:
     
  6. PurlpleAurora

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2015
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Columbus
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    SammyTan-

    I can very closely relate to your wish of a higher power offering you to become a woman. except for the fact that I have not been married for 27 years and I do not have children.

    I am trans.
    I have done a lot of searching the inner me. I never saw myself as a female while in my teenage years, but I did have feelings of wanting to be one.. I knew something was different about me than the rest of the boys I use to hang out with. I was never really like them. I was always the outcast in the group, but for some reason they always kept me around and I always tried to be like them.

    While growing up in a town full of hicks, hill-jacks, and rednecks, I always saw males as gross ignorant creatures, I never understood them. I tried to associate with the higher class individuals - There were not many in my town...

    From what I can remember about my past, I was always able to relate to, and communicate better with my female friends more so than I could my male friends. I don't know what that means about me. But that being the case later on, I had more girl friends than I did guy friends.

    Growing up, my sister who is three years younger than I - she had her friends over to the house a lot. I was always included into their shenanigans. I was basically one of the girls. I just looked like a dude and sounded like one. I was happy being one of them in their little groups. I was happily excepted. I do not know what this means, but if you ask any teenage male, if his sister and friends came over to the house, he would want nothing to do with them. I on the other hand thought it was the greatest thing to be in their group and be one of them. I am not sure if my mother ever thought anything of it, or if it was no big deal to her and she just believed I was being a good big brother and was taking part in my younger sisters life, and having fun with her.

    I look back on those times with happy memories. But I also look back on those memories, using them, trying to figure out why, or what made me trans. There are many events in my life that make question things about who I am today. That is just one of the easier things I am capable of explaining aside from the tendency to secretly crossdressing.

    While in college I didn't have many friends. I did manage to get myself an older girlfriend though. Anna is her name. I at the time was twenty years old, and she was twenty eight. I graduated my program second in my class... Soon after my graduation I moved abruptly out of my parents house and in with Anna.

    Growing up I never understood why I wanted to be a girl. I thought I was a weirdo, I pushed it off, tried to suppress it... And It worked for a really long time. Those feeling of wanting to be a girl only came up a once in a while. I would smother them, and suppress them until they went away again. They didn't come back until after college and, and I had been with Anna for roughly two years. The feelings came back with vengeance. stronger than ever. There was nothing I could do. I became depressed and irritable all of the time. Anna didn't know what to do with me. She complained I was always angry. I could only explain that I didn't know what was wrong with me. I just was, I just felt grumpy and tired. I often blamed work for my actions.

    I eventually came out to Anna. I told her what was going on with me. How I felt, that there are suicidal thoughts, I needed help, I would go insane or worse if I didn't get help. It is still a work in progress. Anna and I are still together thankfully. I sometimes feel she is one of the only things holding me together. She is my rock. I am slowly transitioning. I am also slowly coming out to people close to me in my life. My family has been the hardest. I have not been able to make myself some come out completely to them yet. I don't know how I am going to manage, or how I am going to make myself do it.

    I am sorry SammyTan If any of that didn't give you any insight. I guess I had something to get off my chest too haha. That is the basic idea of my story. I have never told anyone about my coming to be. (is there a coming to be? or are we born trans?) that is a good question.

    I know for fact (just from reading other forums) that there are many people out in the world with a similar story to you. Don't feel alone.
     
  7. happydavid

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2014
    Messages:
    1,617
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    A town near Birmingham England
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
  8. SammyTan

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2015
    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    South Carolina
    Gender:
    Male
    Thank you for sharing with me... I appreciate it a great deal!
     
  9. crystalgem

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2015
    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    US
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Welcome to EC :slight_smile: I'm sure you'll find some support here and hopefully any answers that you're looking for
     
  10. crystalgem

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2015
    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    US
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Welcome to EC :slight_smile: I'm sure you'll find some support here and hopefully any answers that you're looking for
     
  11. lovely lesbian

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2013
    Messages:
    3,818
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    UK
  12. Guelito

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2015
    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rainier
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hi and Welcome!!!