Hey. So I've never been good at introducing myself on forums. But I guess I should probably give it a go. Also, for clarity's sake, I am a female, my partner identified as a questioning female for a while, but has recently come to identify as genderfluid, but doesn't have a preference as to pro-nouns. She is okay if I use female ones and it just makes explaining her all the easier to those who don't know/understand. Anyways, I'm not really sure of anything anymore. I had started really questioning two years ago. I had asked myself the question previously, but the answer had always been "straight." Then it just sort of.... changed. I had been with guys before, but none of what had happened with them had really felt right. I was in counseling at the time (I have no clue if I should really be admitting that or not), and my counselor helped me open up to that side, and ask myself the important questions. It took a while, but I kind of just settled on bisexual. Not because I was using it as a stepping stone, but because I honestly thought I was bisexual. All the while I kept talking with my then-best friend, who is now my partner. She was also super-supportive, and helped me sort things out too. Then life happened. Work was kind of a :***: and overwhelming so I decided to quit before I started school. Then I started school, and things went okay. Then I got.... Well I'm not sure what the right word is but basically I got groped in the grocery store and then the jerk asked for my number (again, not sure if I should be sharing this). That kind of led to a slew of it's own issues. I honestly thought that, since I had had so little in the way of contact or interaction with males that my mother would be upset I didn't give it to him. She thankfully, did not say that, but rather helped me tell the important people. Around Halloween, I was invited to a halloween party, and decided to go as Black Widow, from the avengers. This, of course, meant donning a leather bodysuit. I also dyed my hair red. EVERYONE noticed me, and not in a way I really liked. That was the night me and my partner decided to become girlfriends. Seems like all sunshines and rainbows, right? Well, I was going to hang out with my guy friend last night. We did, but my dumb self was too naive to realize it was a date. And then my dumb self invited him in to play super smash bros. Which lead to him cuddling me on the couch. Which lead to anxiety attack and me apologizing to my girlfriend in slight hysterics. Which leads me to think that maybe I'm not bisexual. Thing is, the whole time I've questioned, I've always said I could see myself being ROMANTICALLY attracted to a male, but not SEXUALLY attracted to a male. And that was long before handsy got me in the grocery store (Again, questioning my word choice and topic choice). But I guess, I'm just really lost and anxious. My partner is by no means clear on her own sexual orientation. But I guess.... I don't know. I think I'm not sure if I really am bi, and my anxiety and past bad experiences with males is making me not want to be with them, or if I am truly homosexual and this whole mess and my anxiety is just making me see clearer. But anyways, if you're still reading, thanks. I just.... I needed to put this out there. Tell the whole truth, and be honest with myself about it. I guess if you want to comment or yell at me or something, feel free to. I will be here....
Hey and welcome to EC. Don't worry about not being good at introducing yourself, first intros aren't easy. Took me half an hour to write mine and it was significantly shorter than yours. I'm not sure what advice to give you, but I'm sure someone here does. Just thought I'd tell you that someone was listening to what you said, long post or not. And nobody's going to yell at you. The people around here are generally good people. Stick around and I'm sure there are people around here who can help you make sense of everything.
I think you are pretty amazing. I don't know how to help you, since I'm in a similar boat, also without a paddle. But I just thought I should let you know that. I don't know much about you, but I have a strong feeling you're absolutely astounding, and it's a pleasure to meet you. I know words amount to pretty ideas much easier said than done, but I think as long as you love your partner, it doesn't really matter what sexuality you are. Because they are clearly included.
Welcome :smilewave I'm new too, took me close to an hour to write my intro thread and there was hardly any content at all. Hope you enjoy your time here :lol:
Hey welcome to EC, don't worry I think my intro was like 'Hi I'm new' I suppose my first question in response to your thread is why is it so important to you for you to know whether you are gay or bi? That being said having been on EC for a while I do understand there are many reasons why people find it important but I am interested in your reasons. Don't worry about what you are sharing, the more you share often the more insight people can give you, but only share what feels comfortable for you. It can be difficult to make a final decision on sexuality but I would say the guy in the grocery store shouldn't change your sexuality but I can see it may make your thoughts seem more confusing.
I... I'm not sure. I know part of it is that I am one of those people who always needs to know everything and always have all the answers. But I know another part of it is, when I am eventually ready to tell my family, I know it's going to be an uphill battle. And if I have a clearer picture of what I am, it will help me stand firm and give them a better picture. And I'm not sure if what happened in the grocery store is really changing how I feel, but rather.... making me more aware of it? Idk. But thanks for listening.
Yeah its fair enough, I think we all want to label ourselves (or almost all of us) even if it doesn't really make a difference. In general would you say you notice men more or women more, is it the same, does it depend? If you think about being with a man how does that make you feel? What about with a woman? What about before you were with your girlfriend? You don't have to write you answers in the thread if you don't want to you can just think about it. I think most of us can sympathise with a time when we were confused and frustrated and weren't totally sure who we were but you already have taken a few steps along the ladder, you know you like girls and you are in a relationship so don't be too hard on yourself. When I first joined EC I didn't have a clue. I also know the next thing I am going to say is almost impossible even if it is true but I honestly believe that the less you think about it the clearer it often becomes. I know when I was trying to figure myself out everything went round and round in my head that it was spinning so much even if I found the right answer I was too dizzy to notice. Its good to write things down and discuss them with other people or at least it was for me because in my own head even when I thought I was coming to a conclusion I would then almost talk myself out of it.
