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I have never actually used a forum before...

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by username920, Jan 9, 2016.

  1. username920

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2016
    Messages:
    1
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    Location:
    AZ
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I've actually never used a forum before, so the format is a bit confusing for me. I'm still trying to figure it out.
    It would be way easier just to talk about how confusing a forum is in this thread than my own gender identity and sexuality but not near as helpful or relieving. I don't even know what I am looking for from this. I just...
    I came out to my family as a lesbian. I never thought that I would seek people out on the internet or need any sort of "support" I guess. I'm just independent by nature. But then when I was coming out to people, my parents and my grandparents they said things and did things....and it hurt. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually. A Lot. And I realized I needed this.
    I still don't have a lot figured out and that makes the whole thing...harder? More confusing? Frustrating?
    I thought figuring out my sexuality would fix everything, except, I don't think I even have that figured out.
    And then there's gender.
    I got unreasonably mad at someone for crossing the street yesterday because I quote myself, "Stupid [expletive] for taking his gender and sexual identity for granted." I was so mad at him. And I didn't know his life.
    But I am so jealous of people who don't have to live with this. I once heard the feeling described as when you have a very critical final and it's multiple choice and none of your answers are A-D. I really identify with that.
    I don't know if this post is supposed to be this long or what I'm supposed to say...but I'm just kinda of reaching out because I don't really have anybody. And even if I get no help figuring out what's going on with me, I can talk about it.
    I guess what I'm trying to get to is I think I'm trans. I don't know how you can not know that. Or what. I just. I don't know how much about why or what or when in here but I think I'm a trans male. And I like girls. So does that make me straight? Or a lesbian?
    And I'm hearing people question me all the time and THAT'S what is contagious not homosexuality. It's this constant bombardment of people telling me how I feel and what they think is real and what isn't and everything is just starting to feel really blurry.

    If any of that made any sense.

    Oh. And I guess I should give my name. Jessica. I don't know...what is supposed to be in one of these?
     
  2. 1ring

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2016
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    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Jessica. Your coming out sounds terrible and I'm sorry your family didn't react positively. Welcome to EC! I only joined a couple days ago but everyone's really nice and I hope this experience helps you!
     
  3. kirara639

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2015
    Messages:
    3
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    Location:
    North Charleston, SC
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi Jessica. I'm new to this site as well, though I'm used to posting in forums. It can be a little strange at first.

    As for the rest of your post, I can only imagine how upsetting it was to not have the support of your family. You have a lot of questions and that's perfectly normal. I'm not trans myself, but my brother is. He's female to male (FtM). I remember how hard it was for him. I don't know if I'm the right person, but if you want to, please feel free to message me.