Hi, I'm a 52 yr old, 'ex-straight' guy (married twice, with kids and grandkids). After so many broken 'straight' relationships I'm taking time to find my true self. Since puberty I've had some same sex attraction, but I always suppressed these as aberrations as my belief system had me going to hell for just the thought. I've always been super attracted to trans men, in particular cross dressers. My second wife even gave me license to have a sexual 'fling' with a CD to 'get it out my system'. I never did but needless to say, mixed with alcohol, shame, guilt, the marriage crumbled, and I still to this day haven't tried 'the other side' except for a drunken blow job I received from a guy I met online in a nasty contact site. I hated myself for it. That was about 11 years ago. Since then I've gotten sober so my excuse of 'being out of it' doesn't wash anymore! Because if anything my attraction now is almost exclusively toward males, and now I'm fantasizing about regular guys too. My biggest problem right now, or confusion rather, is in my frequent masturbation I get more turned on than I ever have; harder, I last longer and come a ton, but as soon as I climax I feel disgust for myself and vow I'm not gay. That works for about 20 mins then I'm back to the same feelings of attraction! Help! Lol I really want to explore my deepest desires, because this is obviously me being authentic, but I'd hate to share sex with another, only to run from them after I've come, whether they have or not. This is so confusing because I know if 'they' came first I'd probably love it. Ugh. Thanks.:bang::bang:
That is a pretty intense introduction. Well, first of all, Hello. Nice to meet you. I think there are a lot of advice thread/forums on here where you may be able to finda lot of answers. If there is anything that came to my mind while reading your intro, its that you seem to be very focused on the sexual aspect of your sexuality. I mean, I know "sex" is the root word there, but you may want to step back from that and try considering it from another perspective. There is a lot more to being gay than just being sexually attracted to the same sex. It is about romance and intimacy. Maybe it would help if you tried exploring your feelings regarding those aspects of your sexuality for a while...? In any case, welcome.
HELLO THERE! WOAH!! too much information for your introduction :eek: anyways WELCOME TO EC the friendly community!