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Hello.

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by my5rule, Feb 24, 2016.

  1. my5rule

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    Hello all. I'm new here & a mother of 5. My 17 year old son is closeted. I am certain he is gay. Since puberty he has been unhappy and very short tempered. However, recently he gained a close friend. He has not come out to me yet and I know I shouldn't ask him, but I want him to know his happiness is Paramount & I've never seen him as happy as he is with this boy he has been hanging out with. They are almost inseparable. They both play in the school band & have a lot in common. I cannot tell you what it's like to finally see my son happy. The past two weeks have been an amazing transformation! He talks to me more, he is affectionate towards me, he cares about everything more.
    There's more to it, but I'll keep it semi short. I need advice. All of my kids know how open I am and how I feel about LGBT rights. Yet, he hasn't come out to me yet. We live in a small town and I know it must be hard on him or any gay person in a small town. Should I just enjoy his happiness & wait for him to tell me, or should I subtly bring it up? Would it actually be helpful for him to come out to me? Thank you for reading & any advice is much appreciated!
     
  2. Adray

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    Welcome!

    You sound very supportive of your son, and that is awesome! Without knowing more about his situation, I'd guess that he might be more concerned about other people with regard to coming out (school, other family, etc.).

    I encourage you to post your story also in other sub-forums. There are probably other parents and folks who've come out that can help with advice or thoughts. This is a great place, I'm glad you found it!
     
  3. PrsngHppnss8D

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    I would like to congratulate you for being such a caring person to your son. You are an awesome example of mother.

    It's a matter of time, I guess you done pretty good. He is happy, so there's nothing to worry.

    01. Do you fear that he would not come out to you ever? Does it really matter for you? For some people, this could be so private that coming out is not necessary at all. Now, the other way:

    02. He may know that you are very open to LGBT people, but is he sure that a son of yours could be gay without a problem? Thats 2 different things (at least from what I notice in my reality) and he may not be sure if you (as a mother) would allow this, so he prefers to keep it in secret. If suddenly he asks something like "would you accept a gay son), make sure to answer a clearly "yes, sure".

    These are just advices, whatever you decide if you are going to ask him or not. Just make sure to support your son and please make him feel confortable in home with his family. Why don't you invite his friend for a lunch or something informal? If you see him struggling again about a thing, speak to him calmly, ask him to trust you and that he can tell anything he want. :grin:
     
  4. alexandr

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    Welcome to the forum! :slight_smile:
     
  5. R M

    R M
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    Hello! I had/have the same problem. My parents are very openminded and accepting of alot. I've always been depressed and anti social towards my family. It's hard to tell your own family, and, like you said, living in a small town. My mom pulled me out of the closet. She straightup asked me. It was very uncomfortable, but it kinda helped and I admitted that I was Bisexual. My advice is to wait for him to get comfortable telling you. You could give him small signs that you know/think he's gay. You can say stuff like:"I'd love to have a gay son. We could go shopping, talk about boys, etc.." Idk just an example. Maybe joke about the friend being his bf or something like that. Don't try to push it though. He might not like it and start to get less social again.

    This is just what I think. I hope my bad English didn't make it too hard to read :slight_smile:. If you want some tips or someone to talk to about things like this, feel free to post on my wall so we can have a chat about it :slight_smile:.

    Good luck with you and your son. I hope he'll stay happy!
     
  6. LizSibling13

    LizSibling13 Guest

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    Hello my5rules...you sound like my WONDERFUL parents. I'm a 13 year old trans girl. Liz is my trans sister (yes, 2 trans girls in my family.)