Hello everyone! I am thankful to have found this site, as I have been in need of advice from individuals who may understand where I am coming from. I am married and in my later 30's, and have finally admitted to myself that I am a lesbian. No one else knows this. As I have reexamined my life, I realize that I knew in my early teens, but being afraid that I would go to hell (what my parents taught me - NOT what I now believe!) I went into complete denial and depression. When I married my first husband at 18, I had convinced myself that having children would make everything okay, even though my experiences with a woman just before my marriage said otherwise. Then, in a cruel twist of fate, it turned out that I was incapable of having children, and a few years later I divorced. Still living in complete denial and depression I ended up marrying another man, only this time choosing someone older, who wouldn't expect children and wouldn't want sex nearly as much. Then recently, I started seeking a more spiritual life (after having left the "church" and rejecting all forms of spirituality for years), and quickly realized that the more I try to meditate and improve all aspects of my life, the more blocked I have felt. Finally, during a meditation, I felt my soul (or whatever you might want to call it) telling me that I would never get better if I don't acknowledge that I am living a lie. Since then, I have been tormented over the whole idea of being honest with myself and others about who I am. I do not want to hurt my husband, or parents, or extended family. I am afraid that if I tell them they will never be okay with it, or me, and yet if I don't I am afraid that I will slowly kill myself by being immobilized and incapable of change. I don't know if this is all making any sense, or if anyone can relate or help, but I am desperate and feel so alone in all of this. The fears alone are debilitating. Please, if anyone has been through similar circumstances and can lend some guidance, it would be so appreciated. Thank you!
Hi Caldwell , I'm sorry to hear about your predicament , the only piece of advice I can give , as a closeted gay male ... You do what makes your heart happy and don't you try and change , you've been through what you've been through and its made you who you are . Embrace it ! . First accept yourself before you decide to tell anyone , you can't please everyone and something this sensitive shouldn't be something to deal with on your own . I'm glad you have come to Empty Closets , take care ---------- Post added 2nd Mar 2016 at 10:54 PM ---------- Oh , and don't ever think you're alone ! We're all here for you
I am going through something similar. I'm a gay man married to one of the best people I know. I found EC this past Sunday, and can tell there are so many people here that will listen (or read) lol and just support as you go through this. Like 573V3N said we are here for you
Thank you 573V3N! Or is it Saint? (Not too familiar with doing this!) Just reading what you had to say and that you are all here for me, makes me feel little better (like I can finally exhale!). I will certainly take your advice and work on accepting myself first. I appreciate your time and advice. Thank you!!! ---------- Post added 2nd Mar 2016 at 04:38 PM ---------- Thank you random! It's nice to hear that there is someone in a similar circumstance. I really do not want to hurt anyone, especially when I feel they have given me so much. It has felt like if I could just tell someone it would be bearable. I am so glad I came to this site and registered. It gives me so much hope to have the support of others like you. Thank you! And wish you nothing but the best in your own situation
Think about what you would say to someone in the same situation. People are often a lot less selfish than one takes for granted in that we often deprioritize our own happiness a lot. Your own person is the only one you can have really well control of, right? Your happiness is not a trivial matter. Try to look at your happiness from a more objective angle, if only for a little while. Because you know what they say, truth will out. Cultivate the virtue of honesty within yourself and allow yourself to be yourself.
Hey welcome to Ec I was in denial For two years about being gay but I finally accepted it Recently and I decided to tell my mom today anyways My best advice to you take your time take a few deep breaths make sure you accept yourself and then come out to people you want to and if you don't want to come out that's okay also there's is nothing wrong with being gay at all
Thank you Seahawksfan - I hope things went well with your mother and greatly appreciate your support. And thank you Invidia - that is some really good advice. I guess I have let a lot of depression and anxiety overwhelm me, and haven't thought about the importance of my own happiness. I am a bit of a caregiver and tend to worry more about everyone else (it is also another way to temporarily forget about my own needs). I really appreciate your words of wisdom and take them to heart. Thank you!
