Hello there, I am a 22 year old university student from Canada. I first had the realization that I liked boys when I was 14, right at the start of high school. Being raised in a fairly religious family, I was very ashamed and scared, and was determined to make sure no one ever found out. Fast forward 8 years, and all I've done is push away my family and friends, not letting anyone get close to the real me. Meanwhile, I've avoided any exploration of my actual sexuality, so I still don't really know who or what I am. Now that I am older and living on my own, I have become more mindful and aware of how my self-imposed isolation has affected my family, especially my parents. It hurts to watch them try to get closer to me, only to suffer because of my fear. I have this new-found inspiration to come out, not only to help myself but to repair the relationships that I have slowly let fall apart. However, I am fighting 8 years of self-preservation instincts, my mind has a lot of practice in avoiding any situations that could compromise my identity. To make things more difficult, I still don't know what I would say. I thought I was gay a long time ago but things have changed, I see sexuality (at least my own) as a fluid entity, something that doesn't need a label. I guess I'm worried that without a clear definition of what I am, it will be harder to explain my situation and justify my behavior, especially to my parents. Or, maybe that's just a problem I invented to avoid coming out. Anyway, I'm basically stuck between the fear of coming out and the consequences of coming out too late. My motivation for joining this site comes from the desire to share what I've been going through. Partly because I am tired of having the same conversations in my head over and over again with no results; I believe that putting my thoughts out there and receiving advice from like-minded people is an important step forward in my life. And also partly because I finally believe that my experience is valuable. I don't claim to have any unique wisdom or advice, but if even one person finds something I say relatable or helpful, then I think it was worth sharing. The experience of just writing this has been incredibly surreal. I've spent the entire time doubting if I would actually post it. Whenever I read it over I feel like I'm reading someone else's story, because I still cannot fathom that I would put anything so personal in writing. I guess that's also a testament to how disconnected I feel with that part of myself. Anyway, I look forward to finally being able to share things like this. So thank you for reading, it truly means a lot to me.
Welcome to EC! This is a good place to share thoughts and interact with people. You did a great job posting your story. One thing I'll say - being non-straight is nothing to be ashamed of. I encourage you to read and interact here and get a better feel for your own self first. Just having that can be positive for many people, I know it was for me. I knew I wasn't straight pretty early, too. I did some reading and figured I was likely bisexual. Over time that initial conclusion became only more confirmed, and when I was able to be "out" to myself as bisexual first, it was a very comforting thing to me. Everyone has a different path, though. I wish you a happy path as you learn. Welcome!
Firts of all, welcome to empty closets. EC for short :smilewave You've come to perhaps the most friendly and helpfull place on the internet. Here you are sure to receive a lit of helpfull advice. I'd suggest starting a thread on the support area of the forums. That way you'll get more helpfull info & advice. This, is a mere welcome lounge Adray made some good points but I'll try to add. It seems that you've gone through a lot of things. Or actually you haven't and that's why you're here now. Keeping anything from people for such a long time might be not so good. And considering what it is it's a good thing you've opened up atleast here. The situation itself seems tricky but what I think would be good is starting to gather more confidence about what you are. This site & it's forums is a great place to start. Go on and enjoy yourself on the forums there are some interesting threads going on the fun & games or perhaps you'd like to discuss media there's also a subforum for that ^-^ You might even find a physics thread 'round here. All in all welcome to the forums my dear & enjoy your stay. Don't worry we taken everything in notice. And if you, do have some questions don't hesitate to ask : ) Sincerely - Foxer
Welcome to EC! This place has become a safe haven for me (I just joined this week and on entirely too much lol). I'm 27 and just coming to terms with the fact I'm gay. Religious views did contribute to my denial. I'm also married and working up to come out to my wife. This place really will help you feel more comfortable while you discover who you are.
