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Been mulling things over(maybe too much)

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by mountainman, Mar 2, 2016.

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  1. mountainman

    mountainman
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    So I've been a member for awhile, and I'm still trying to figure myself out. I have posted about my past in other posts, but I'll recap....I experienced a lot of trauma when I was a kid, grew up with untreated ptsd, and depression, among other things. I have only had one romantic relationship, and that ended in chaos.(her fault, mainly) Anyway, fast forward roughly 2 years since that fiasco ended, and I'm more confused than ever. I don't seem to be attracted to men, however, women don't seem to turn me on either. Am I just thinking about this too much, or what?
     
    #1 mountainman, Mar 2, 2016
  2. I'mStillStanding

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    Hey mountainman,

    I read some of the previous threads and your story was intense. I'm new here, and really trying to sort out being gay and yet married to a woman. I was wondering how the guilt and other stuff from your past is now? Are you on therapy? If you would rather not say that's cool, just thought I'd ask.
     
    #2 I'mStillStanding, Mar 3, 2016
  3. mountainman

    mountainman
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    Currently, no. I was in therapy from 2009 until I think 2013, when my therapist and I had a falling out. The guilt is sort of seasonal, however, I think I'm probably doing better than I was. I've kind of gone from one end of the spectrum on that, to the other.
     
    #3 mountainman, Mar 3, 2016
  4. I'mStillStanding

    I'mStillStanding
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    Glad your doing better. I just started back in therapy (go in on occasion for a tune up) but this time I feel better than any other because I'm not hiding anything. So I don't have to be careful to make sure I'm not saying you much. Anywho just thought I'd ask :slight_smile:
     
    #4 I'mStillStanding, Mar 3, 2016
  5. mountainman

    mountainman
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    Glad to hear. I still have no idea "who I am", but I figure time will tell. Things will probably make more sense when I get out of the south, I assume.
     
    #5 mountainman, Mar 3, 2016
  6. I'mStillStanding

    I'mStillStanding
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    Tell me... South Georgia is kinda stuck in the past lol. Maybe time on EC will help. :wink:
     
    #6 I'mStillStanding, Mar 3, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2016
  7. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    It's entirely possible that the childhood trauma/ptsd has affected your appetite for intimate relationships with anyone (of either sex). If you are still struggling with depression, that too can have an impact. How far did you go into exploring all of this during therapy?
     
    #7 PatrickUK, Mar 3, 2016
  8. mountainman

    mountainman
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    I don't know if you can get much worse than small town Texas. And to make things worse, my family has always been very church based. It makes me feel like I have to walk on eggshells 95% of the time I'm around them.

    ---------- Post added 3rd Mar 2016 at 01:52 PM ----------
    I didn't delve too deep into this aspect. Once I was diagnosed with survivors guilt, and started figuring out that there really was something there, and I wasn't just abnormal, things seemed to get better for awhile. Every now and then the depression does come back(mostly around holidays,) but I feel like it's mostly under control now. As far as my appetite for intimacy, I've never really gave it a second thought until recently.
     
    #8 mountainman, Mar 3, 2016
  9. I'mStillStanding

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    My town has no red light and there are cruise ships that can hour more people than lives here lol. Everyone lives on farms and I pretty sure there are 20 churches in the county. Church is huge part of my family. I went to the camps where you didn't leave not saved lol. I worked in youth ministries got several years, until I would not agree with homophobic ideals or over look verbal and emotional abuse. I was kicked out ( literally). What drives me crazy is before I told mom, she seemed so open minded. I guess now that it is in the family it is harder to accept. You leaving Texas?
     
    #9 I'mStillStanding, Mar 3, 2016
  10. mountainman

    mountainman
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    I was planning on leaving Texas. I'm restoring a conversion van, and I'm wanting to circum-navigate the continent, and live out of it. Essentially, I'm on a spirit quest.
     
    #10 mountainman, Mar 3, 2016
  11. I'mStillStanding

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    That will be epic. Road trips have always seemed like they would be awesome. So for my birthday I'm taking 10 days to just drive. I can't wait. But going around the whole country, jealous that's what I am. :thumbsup:
     
    #11 I'mStillStanding, Mar 3, 2016
  12. mountainman

    mountainman
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    Yeah, I've wanted to do something like this for as long as I can remember, I just recently got the abilities to though. My main problem now is not planning too much:slight_smile:
     
    #12 mountainman, Mar 3, 2016
  13. I'mStillStanding

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    You're living out of your ride so wherever you are you'll be home. With that kind of freedom, who needs a plan lol :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #13 I'mStillStanding, Mar 3, 2016
  14. Seahawksfan

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    you may be you may not be you could be asexsul Pansexual Just take a few deep breaths take your time do you feel romantically and sexually attracted to men women or both? Those are all important questions when figuring out sexaulity (!) I wish you Luck if you need anything else write me on my wall :slight_smile:
     
    #14 Seahawksfan, Mar 3, 2016
  15. mountainman

    mountainman
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    [/QUOTE] you may be you may not be you could be asexsul Pansexual Just take a few deep breaths take your time do you feel romantically and sexually attracted to men women or both? Those are all important questions when figuring out sexaulity (!) I wish you Luck if you need anything else write me on my wall :slight_smile:[/QUOTE]

    I've never heard of Pansexual before. I did identify as asexual for awhile, b/c I'm not sexually attracted to men or women. But then I started researching more, and I got tied up in red tape, so to speak.
     
    #15 mountainman, Mar 3, 2016
  16. I'mStillStanding

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    OK this if ridiculous... The first time I heard the term pansexual was on will & grace. The cook told will and Karen he was pansexual after they found out he was sleeping with both of them. Karen said he's been humping my pans. Off point I know but I just remembered that lol
     
    #16 I'mStillStanding, Mar 3, 2016
  17. mountainman

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    When you talk about trauma, are you referring to physical damage, mental damage, or some combination? I was only 6 when it happened, so I wasn't concerned about the affects on my intimate relationships at the time. I do know that they told my parents there would be some personality changes due to the frontal lobe injury.
     
    #17 mountainman, Mar 5, 2016
  18. Seahawksfan

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    Lol Pansexaul Is just the proper way of saying bisexual you've got your heterosexual which is straight your pan sexual which is bi and your homosexual which is fwy haha ai just like to use proper terms ☺️

    ---------- Post added 7th Mar 2016 at 07:52 AM ----------

     you may be you may not be you could be asexsul Pansexual Just take a few deep breaths take your time do you feel romantically and sexually attracted to men women or both? Those are all important questions when figuring out sexaulity (!) I wish you Luck if you need anything else write me on my wall :slight_smile:[/QUOTE]

    I've never heard of Pansexual before. I did identify as asexual for awhile, b/c I'm not sexually attracted to men or women. But then I started researching more, and I got tied up in red tape, so to speak.[/QUOTE]
    Yes I'm really sorry to hear about all your troubles you've had throughout your life Pansexaul is proper way of saying bisexual which means You like both men and women? If you see a hot guy? Would you want to go over and start -convo? What about if it was a cute girl?
     
    #18 Seahawksfan, Mar 7, 2016
  19. I'mStillStanding

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    Being honest, I'm romantically and sexually attracted to men. I think women a gorgeous but I only seem them in the friend zone :slight_smile: it took me months after deciding not to lie to myself anyone anyone anymore to be able to day that.
     
    #19 I'mStillStanding, Mar 7, 2016
  20. alexandr

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    Welcome to the forum! :slight_smile:
     
    #20 alexandr, Mar 7, 2016
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