After 7 years of "lurking" as a guest I've finally joined!

Hi everyone!

I'm Brett. I just want to thank all of you that have made this community a wonderful resource to help those like me help figure out who I am, and come to accept myself.

I came here through a google search over 7 years ago when I was 18. I knew I wasn't "normal" since the end of third grade, but was in denial that it could be anything besides a "phase" as that was the easiest way my brain could justify the feelings that I was having. I was able to see so many stories that I can connect with, I was able to start the the transition from the denial to the acceptance stage regarding my sexuality. I realized that all of the ridiculous claims that a person can't like both the same sex and other genders, saying things like those who identify as Bisexual or Pansexual are "in the closet/In denial", "just horny", "Bisexuality doesn't exist", etc.

It took quite awhile to really come to understand my full "self" given that I am Demisexual as well, and rarely experience physical attraction to others as I have to build a strong relationship with them before that kick in. Before I came out to a few of my closest friends that were my roommates at the time (originally as Bisexual), I had hidden so much from almost everyone that I met in fear of being "caught" as non hetero-normative that I almost was never able to find anyone attractive. Once I opened up to people, I realized that it was the person that I was attracted to, not whatever "physical hardware" they happen to have under their clothes

I am now currently in a relationship with my boyfriend, and it has been great! I have to thank all of those at EC for getting me to this point, as without this forum I would still be stuck denying that I could be with anyone besides a cis-female, following the "American Dream" of having a wife, kids, a house, and alot of debt.

Disclaimer: I know there is some contention within the LGBT community (and this forum) against Demisexuality and Pansexuality, but I have come to find that is the most accurate labels to describe me. I am not trying to be a "special snowflake". I know the argument can be made that Bisexuality covers all people along the spectrum, but I have found (often times) those who do not fit into the gender binary category are more comfortable approaching someone who they know is interested, versus someone who labels as Bisexual and only might be interested in them. Androgyny is very cute, and I don't care who knows I like all flavors/variations of human. (!)

 

Thanks!

I really wish I could have been more honest myself growing up. I know I could have saved myself a great deal of mental anguish if I had been able to objectively evaluate my sexuality when I started getting interested in relationships/sex instead of figuring it out a over a decade later. I guess I have a bit of "catching up" to do on the relationship skills department, But my boyfriend and I are very happy together at this point. (with much credit due to EC for my personal growth to where I can comfortably be with someone of any gender without feeling guilty/wrong)

If only our society could move past the point where being heterosexual is the only thing considered "normal", maybe our minds wouldn't try to trick us into convincing ourselves that we have to fit into that "group". Growing up in a very conservative and religious community didn't help either. I am just grateful to live in a time where we have the technology to be able to have places like EC where we can connect with like minded people in similar situations and discover ourselves without fear of being assaulted/humiliated/ragged on for something beyond our control. (*hug*)

 

Thanks for the warm welcoming everyone!

Yay! Does that mean I get the title of "longest regular lurker in EC history"? :roflmao:

I can say from a couple LGBT friends (and several acquaintances) I have met since accepting myself, that there is a lot more people who are helped tremendously by this site than anyone realizes. It's amazing how most people who I have met in the community have made their way on this site at one or another. I have even referred a couple people here in the past before joining this wonderful group.

I still have a long way to go before being completely out, so I am sure this site will continue to help me.

I plan on staying on this forum for a long time. It has helped me through some very hard times, and some of the long term members posts were some of the only people I felt like I could relate to at points. Besides being a great group of people just to be able to talk to, I would love to be one of those people who can help other people questioning like I have been helped by this site.

I can say, I have visited/read through the majority other LGBT forums... And this one is by far the most supportive, friendly, and welcoming. Many thanks are due to you and the rest of the EC moderators for keeping this site friendly in the times of constant internet trolling (&&&)

 

Thanks for the kind welcomes (&&&)

I completely agree with the complexity. It's mind boggling how many different aspects and identifying words are used to describe people... I think I have a grasp on most by now, but I have to have spent over 1000 hours researching (and trying to figure out my own) sexuality just to get to the point where I rarely come across a term I don't know.

It's inherent that those who are not hetero-normative will research this subject more, but I can see how heterosexuals get frustrated with the ever growing lingo in the LGBT community. When I first came here, a lot of the lingo might as well have been in a foreign language :lol:

 

Thank you (*hug*)

I still am dealing with a significant amount of internalized homophobia, but it seems like that slowly goes away with more time and getting completely out of the closet. I guess like anything that is worthwhile, it takes time and isn't easy :icon_wink