I'm a 20 year old female and a virgin. I've always known that I'm different. When I first kissed a boy at 15 my thoughts where "hopefully this means I'm not a lesbian!" I only daydream about girls, hardly ever fantasise about boys. When I kiss guys (drunk), even if I feel attracted to them, I get bored and it feels like a chore. My only ever sober relationship was last year and I went along with it because I thought it was how things were supposed to be. I would kiss him goodnight at my door and then cry myself to sleep for being a lesbian. When things started to heat up in the bedroom it all felt so wrong, I was very uncomfortable and felt like I was having an outer body experience, watching myself from above. I broke up with him and really hurt him. I did not tell him the reason why because I couldn't trust him with my secret whilst he was shouting at me. My entire life I have tried to be straight, until 2016. These past 3 months I have: - Kissed and it was incredible, despite how drunk I was - Chatted to a friend of a friend on a dating app and bumped into her out and kissed her goodbye - Came out as "not straight" (bisexual) to 4 of my best friends - Went on a date with a girl and felt chemistry I sometimes question whether I am asexual, as I'm just not a very sexual person and am fairly content being a single virgin. But I sometimes get these bolts of electricity through my wrists, arms and butterflies when I think about women. My family is very open, as are a lot of my friends. I just would feel awkward talking about my feelings and random online girls to them unless I have a relationship to talk about, sort of to validate what I'm coming out with. I also see families and feel deeply sad that I won't be married to a man and have children. I hope this site will help me not lose my coming-out momentum!!
Welcome to EC... I've dated guys too and I'm attracted to them but it's nothing like when I'm with a girl... There's plenty of great people here to explore your feelings with.
