Greetings, all! Long post ahead. I just needed to put this out into the world, and if you choose to continue reading, thanks very much for receiving my words. I've been lurking for the past few weeks and have found myself inspired and genuinely touched by the kindness and sincere interest with which posters interact with each other here. I am not sure why/how I didn't come upon this community earlier through the past 15-ish years that my sexuality struggling and coming out journey has been taking place. But in many ways, this feels like finding the right place at the right time for me, as I am at another point when I feel I need to take action and challenge myself. I hope I can also be a source of support and encouragement to others who may be on different parts of their journey. I began struggling with my sexuality through late high school and into college. I began coming out to friends toward the end of college and, with much ultimately unnecessary anxiety, my immediate family in the years after. My family, especially my wonderful mom, were immediately supportive and have never treated me any differently. My biggest obstacles toward growth and fulfillment in the years since have been my own anxieties and insecurities. I have struggled throughout my life with being overweight and, although I have changed my diet and started an exercise routine over the past year which has resulted in a significant weight loss, I still have a way to go before I reach my ideal weight and I still have major insecurities about my body and overall appearance. These insecurities have kept me from pursuing any kind of romantic relationships, even though I'm now nearly ten years past the point when I fully accepted my sexuality and even though I dream often about being with and having a life with someone. I am not an overall unhappy person. My life is defined by positive relationships, from my loving family and wonderful (mostly straight) friends and coworkers. I enjoy the work and volunteering that I do and lead a full and active life. But I know I need to get myself out there, expand my social circle, and stop letting fear and insecurity keep from pursuing what my heart desires. I'm a friendly but introverted guy and, to be honest, the bar scene is basically the opposite of fun to me, so I'm going to need to explore other social opportunities that are a little more my comfort level. But I'm determined for this to be a year of growth and change for me. When I get down on myself for not being where I feel I should be, I have to remind myself how far I've come from the high school kid who was terrified to even say the word "gay" out loud and briefly considered never, ever telling a soul to the person I am today. Anyway, you're a lovely community of lovely, unique people and I felt very proud registering to count myself as one among you! Thanks for listening!
Welcome to our little corner of the Internet, JB83! I'm glad that you think it's a nice place too. Thanks also for the intro, introspection and self-challenge. We'll try and hold you to that. A couple of things stood out to me - (1) fear. Man, fear is a cold-hearted bitch. Probably the single most-cited reason that people don't change for the better. And it's usually unfounded or greatly blown out of proportion. I know that to be true in my own life. Woof. So, kudos on taking this step towards facing down some of your fears. You are already kicking butt compared to many! (2) personal insecurities. Another big ticket item, wow. We've all got baggage - from not liking what we see in the mirror, to hangups from childhood, to intimacy issues... You name it, we got it. I half-jokingly referred to EC as the "Island of Misfit Toys" last week and the more I sit with that analogy/comparison, the more I like it. (I presume you've seen the 1964 stop-motion animated classic Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, right?). We've all got our own little (or not-so-little) issues, but together we can be a pretty awesome community providing support when we feel unloved or cast aside by the outside world. Anywho, welcome to EC and we look forward to your posts! :welcome:
Thank you for the warm welcomes! I appreciate them very much! ---------- Post added 10th Apr 2016 at 07:58 PM ---------- Thank you for the welcome and the kind words, MsEmma! I recognize that I am among kindred spirits here, regardless of how different our individual experiences and circumstances may be. I'm that person among my family and friends who is often looked to for advice and support and I do a pretty good job, if I do say so myself, of encouraging and helping others find clarity. But, as is often the case, I'm less good at extending that back to myself and worry (probably needlessly) about burdening others with my baggage or being perceived as needy and neurotic, even though I'm a constant empathetic sounding board for many others. But it's time to start changing that and being more generous to myself. Thanks again for your thoughtful insights. Glad to be here among the Misfit Toys! :smilewave
