Hello! Back from Hiatus

Hello! I was an active member 4 years ago when I was in my second and third year of college. Then I retreated because I was scared.

I'm back though and I'm hoping to figure out myself and be more confident and open.

For me it's been less about coming out (all of my friends knows and my mom and twin know) and more about accepting myself. My mom told me I misunderstood friendship and myself and basically dismissed it as a phase, which I think was hard on me at the time.

Now I just have trouble forming romantic relationships. My closest friends are individual bonds that have formed over years. I feel like the real me isn't something that most people are interested in except those who have known me for a really long time.

I guess I'm back because this fall I had a bad experience with dating where it was a fantasy romantically and the physical stuff was problematic as well.

I know I tampered down my attraction to women because I was afraid I lost my parent's approval, but I think I also didn't like it about myself. I have been criticised for having a too aggressive, pseudo-masculine, personality, and my weight has yo-yoed which makes it hard to wear clothes I find express me.

Anyway thank you internet for listening. I don't want to prevent my own happiness from happening, so I would like to work this shit out so I can meet an awesome person to laugh with and snuggle with and cry with when periods are happening.

 

Thanks everyone!