Hoo boy it's so difficult to write these things... I'm a 21 years old female currently living and studying in Scotland. However, I'm originally from Finland and English isn't my first language - I apologize in advance for all grammatical mistakes I tend to make! I'm an undergraduate university student and dream of becoming a researcher living somewhere sunny surrounded by cats. I've identified as bisexual since I was 13 but my sexual identity has always been all over the place. I come from a loving but rather strict household, and the existence of LGBT people was something I didn't know about before I developed a crush on a female friend of mine. Later in my teenage years I dated couple of males but both relationships - although there was nothing wrong with them per se - never felt enjoyable but only worsened my depression and anxiety. My last relationship ended in February, and since then I've been a bit lost with my identity again. The more I've thought about it, the more I feel I've forced my feelings on men throughout my life and simultaneously repressed my feelings for females to the point I can't say what feelings have been genuine and what faked. Currently I feel like I don't like anyone, that I'm fundamentally broken and incapable of feeling love towards anyone at all, but my past tells me otherwise. It feels like I have not felt genuine, good attraction to anyone since the prementioned girl, but I can't say for sure. I haven't had crushes on any females since her, but I do tend to notice the attractiveness of my female peers and enjoy spending time with them more. I also have never enjoyed anything sexual when with my male partners, but would feel much more comfortable with a female one - at least in my mind. But what if I'm faking this as well? Long story short, I've gotten used to think of myself as a bisexual with male preference, but have currently started to question how much I've actually repressed my feelings towards other girls - and it's slowly killing me. I know figuring one's sexuality out is a long process, but it feels like I should know. I'm a young adult who should be out there, dating people and falling in love, but I'm afraid I never will. Maybe this community could be what I need to sort my thoughts out a bit and maybe become more comfortable with my sexual orientation, whatever it turns out to be. I look forward to getting to know you people, thank you for reading!
Thank you everyone~ I was kinda unsure about if creating an account to this forum was a good idea but I'm definitely feeling pretty nice now. I'm a film and television research major so my interest lie in almost anything audiovisual - I'm mostly interested in animated stuff being able to earn a living by writing about the topic would be a dream come true. I've also recently gotten really interested in video game studies so that's another subject I'd love to focus on.
