just another not out story!

hi all! well, I stumbled across this forum randomly; and feel proud to be part of it already! I wanted to introduce myself, but perhaps seek some advice and support as well! as the title suggests, I'm not out yet! in fact, I really didn't know/recognise that I was gay till very recently, which is a big deal really given I'm in my mid-thirties. To give some background, I'm a muslim; and from quite a conservitive family background, on top of that, I have a disability. I've lived a very independent life on my own terms for the most part, so choosing my sexuality just felt like diversity too far! it just felt like too many titles; Muslim, disabled, female lesbian; I wasn't brave enough! I got married 5 years ago, following allot of society pressure. I married a wonderful kind man, but very quickly cracks began to appear in our marriage. We drifted apart quite quickly and had little to no sexual relationship. I did suffer childhood abuse and had never really dealt with this, so decided to seek counselling around these issues. The therapy actually did help; however one of the things it flagged strongly was the fact that I'm likely gay! while I had always made myself believe my sexual problems came from the abuse, it was rather that I just fancied women! and while my marriage wasn't working out, it was less to do with abuse, and more to do with us not being compatable! but where did I go with this? I mean, I'm married, never had a relationship with a woman; neither intimate nor sexual; these are all feelings; but they don't go away, and may distroy my life! I guess I'm here just to meet others with similar stories to tell; to get advice, lern from you guys and work out my way forward! apologies for rambling and pouring so much in to my first post; now that the heavy stuff is over I can just chill and get to know you all! thanks in advance! Px