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My Son Came out yesterday

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by harley05, May 2, 2016.

  1. harley05

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    I've always been so very open with my kids regarding sex and sexuality. Yesterday my 15 yr old son told me he is gay. It took so much courage on his part to tell me. I hugged him and told him that it did not change the way I felt about him. His sexuality is his to own and no-one else's business. I still love him as much as I did three minutes before he told me! I knew that he had been questioning whether he was bi, but then a week later he came out that he is gay. That was a bit confusing. He is my son. I told him that as long as he was happy, healthy and successful in his life, what difference should his sexuality make? The funny part for me, I think, though, is that I still have reservations about how I am dealing with this. I'm scared for him and even though society has changed in their viewpoint towards the LGBT community, there is still a lot of prejudice out there. I've been on other sites, but want to learn how to really communicate with him, correctly, for lack of better word on how "open" he should be with people. Does this make sense or are my fears unfounded.
     
  2. faustian1

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    You're doing very well to start with.

    The one person I always knew would accept me, no matter what, was my mother. There is no doubt in my mind that from time to time she was disappointed in me, but she always was there for me. The one person I could depend on.

    Even though I am married now, the only other person I have truly felt that kind of unconditional love from is my (now grown) daughter.

    You play a special role in your son's life. One that he possibly never will replace. The best thing you can do is learn more about the challenges that he will face, and then support him, as you have been doing.
     
    #2 faustian1, May 2, 2016
    Last edited: May 2, 2016
  3. greatwhale

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    Hi harley05, welcome to EC!

    First of all, congratulations on your acceptance! You embody exactly what unconditional love means, and it is beautiful! Every child is a lesson in love.

    Your fears are not unfounded, but the world is daily getting better about acceptance of LGBT folk. You are absolutely right about your son remaining who he is, only now you know him better.

    As you are open to learning more (very commendable) I would recommend that you go online to your local chapter of PFLAG, they are an incredible resource and soon enough you will know how to talk to your son about what it means to be gay, and what support there exists for him.

    It is so amazing that he has given you the gift of his trust, it shows that he believes you can handle something so deeply personal, and you have shown this to us!

    All the best to both of you, it is an amazing opportunity to learn something new, together!
     
  4. SillyGoose

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    You seem like the pirfect mother :slight_smile: or certainly one I'd want to have when I'm coming out :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    Your son has great bravery and the on,y way it should enter the public eye is on his terms..
    Teens will be teens and inevitably weather this period of his life is hard or not, it will be a thing of the past :slight_smile:
    The world is changing for the better so he should be fine
     
  5. alexandr

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    Welcome to the forum! :slight_smile:

    Your son is very lucky to have such a great mother, I wish you both the best of luck!
     
  6. KarenLyn

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    Hi Harley... I'm really proud of you reaching out to others here so you can be the father that your son needs right now... You're doing the right thing. So many youths go through this with little or no support at all from family. you're doing the right thing...
     
  7. proudofhim

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    Hello Harley05. My son told me last year that he thought he was bi and we didn't talk about it again until this week. As time had gone by I was having thoughts that perhaps he was confused and 'just a stage'. He told me the other day he's definitely gay and I realise now after reading things online that to be honest if he's plucked up the courage to tell his Mum it's not a stage! My son is also fifteen and I was so proud of him to be able to be so open with me and tell me his feelings. I too reassured him that I loved him and I was here for him when he wanted to talk more; he doesn't seem like wanting to talk much at the moment; those of you that are going through this or have gone through this experience of 'letting those in' is this normal?

    I on the other hand have been exploring the net trying to find out as much as possible as to be honest I know nothing about LGBT in fact I've only recently learnt this acronym! I have also found a P-FLAG (another acronym for me) group in my city and when I feel like I won't break down in tears talking about this I'll go along to one of their monthly meetings. I do feel very isolated (selfish I know as it's my son who's having to deal with his sexuality) but I'm not able to talk to my girlfriends or family. I have told my husband (my son's father) and he and I have been talking and he's so wonderful and in truth he's probably coping better than me; partly because his character is able to deal with the unknown better than me! All I have ever wanted for my son is to have loving friendships and relationships, be fulfilled in his professional life and find something he's passionate about and make the most of opportunities that come his way. I'm just fearful (partly because of the unknown) of his sexuality hindering him and how wonderful it'd be in twenty years time I look back and say it's because of his sexuality that enhanced him and this is the A - B of my journey with my son.

    I'd love to hear from other parents who are going through or have gone through similar experiences and those of you who "came out" to your parents and how you wanted them to deal with your revelation.
     
  8. OutofZCloset

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    I had an incredibly close relationship with my mother all growing up including when I got married to a man. I had always kinda suspected I was gay but I really wanted to be straight and have the perfect family with a husband and kids. So i got married to a Man after college. To make a long story short I ended up coming out and leaving my husband when I was 26. My parents, Including my mother, sided with him and thought I was crazy. She couldn't accept that I was gay. I explained it to her in every way I could think of but she couldn't hear it. As the years past we have grown distant. I couldn't share with her when I fell in love for the first time. She wasn't there when I got married to the women of my dreams. She wasn't there when her only grand daughter was born. Yes we see each other on holidays or at birthday parties but she has never shared in my joy. We were so close at one point but now that feeling is a distant memory. All because she couldn't accept the fact that I was gay. She was the greatest mom one minute and the most distant mom the next. That was 20 years ago. I'm the same person. I have beautiful family and I have been with my wife for 20 years now. We run a very successful business together and own our own home. I have everything she ever wanted for me. But because I'm not with a man I don't have her love.

    Learn from my mom's mistakes. Share in the joy of your kids life. Be there to support him. Be there for his wedding. Be there for your grand kids. Be there for his spouce. It will take some adjustment but you can get past it. Everything you ever wanted for him can still happen. Just be apart of his life when it does.
     
    #8 OutofZCloset, May 16, 2016
    Last edited: May 16, 2016