Hi all, In February 2015 I came out of the closet in my small rural town. I am a nearly 50 year old guy who is very active in local government and very well known. I am glad to say that I have had only one negative reaction of any kind, which I shared in my first posting. My story goes back to 1978 as a 12 year old boy. My first gay crush was a little Hawaiian boy whose picture flashed up for just a second in the opening sequence to Hawaii 5-0. I remember running down the stairs to the TV room so that I wouldn't miss him turning to look at the camera. I had some experiences back then, but nothing I care to share in detail. Suffice to say I learned quite a bit before my 13th birthday, and was ahead of the curve in losing my virginity. The late 1970s and the 1980s were a tough time for gay kids. We didn't have the Internet, YouTube, The Trevor Project, and other supports that exist today. Coming out was just not done, much less by 12 year old boys. Although society was changing, it was still considered a mental illness by many having only been removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in 1973. With a parent in a clinical profession, nad strong toes to the church, I knew it wasn't an option for me. Being closeted brings on many emotions and can manifest itself in inappropriate behavior. I would speculate that most of the sexually deviant behavior that occurs is related to repressed sexuality to some extent. Suffice to say, I had my challenges. I eventually became involved with women and all that entails. My last relationship resulted in a daughter. She is my world and I cannot imagine life without her, but there is something missing. I have yet to have a meaningful emotionally intimate relationship. I came out in 2015, but have yet to find someone who is compatible. I don't want hook ups, open relationships, nor long distance relationships. I just want someone with whom I can share life's many adventures. I tried most of the dating apps including ******, *******, and BiggerCity (yep,I am a big guy) without much luck. I have found some interesting people on *******, and I like the optional level of detail achieved through the questions. However, if that all fails, I will just live my life day to day and hope that one day my perfect (or near perfect, okay fairly reasonable) match will find me.
Coming out in later life, when in a 'straight' relationship is difficult. So well done for coming out!!!!! Finding someone to share life's journeys will be difficult but worth while. Everyone on EC wish you the best of luck in your quest. (*hug*)
I am glad that you are reaching out, that is the reason why i joined this site. I am not trying to have a pissing contest here, but even though i am of a different generation, i feel that my experience growing up gay was similar to yours. I grew up in a rural town, gay was definitely a dirty word, in the religious/political/social sense. I think the time that i was coming of age just missed out on the acceptance movement, also being in australia there is definitely a machismo culture, that most men try to pertain to. I moved to Sydney of all places, which i thought would be the best option to be able to embrace my identity, but that did not happen at all. I never had felt so lost and isolated in my life, I felt like the fattest, ugliest, least intelligent, least successful person who ever existed being there, not particularly in the 'gay world' but in society in general. Although the lack of acceptance and embrace i felt from the queer community did take a huge toll. I was not the muscly tanned Adonis that was expected, i wasn't super left wing and progressive, i just felt that i didn't fit, and i have always felt that way. What made things worse was my experience was so different to everyone else's, they had progressive parents, and queer family and friends throughout their lives. They had found some sort of comfortability that eluded me, a comfortability that i still don't have to this day. I turned to drugs and self harm, it felt like a bit of a release... Now at 26, almost 27, i feel very jaded towards the queer world, i am not a part time model, or a muscle mary, or a jock, or a twink, or a bear, or an anything else, i am just me, and i don't feel like for the majority gay men are patient or willing enough to take the time to 'romance' someone, i am still basically a virgin, i feel to ancient to start my sexual exploration, i still feel like a child in so many ways, and it kind of scares me to feel so lost, and to have already come to terms with the fact that i will probably spend my life alone. I have been on a bit of a journey the last few years, seeing someone, getting some help, trying to sort things out, but the reality is i don't think i am 'cut out' for the queer world, and i am not sure that i am willing to fake my way through it. Well that was a bit of a diary entry, but your message brought some thoughts up for me, and i decided to open up a little, and share, i think that a shared experience of loneliness is one that allows us to know that we are a little less alone.
